Now, before I begin, I want to make it clear that Fox said it was OK to download this movie off the internet. Therefore, this review is not illegal.
I also want to mention, before I begin, that I will not comment at all on any of the special effects, or any bit of the movie where quality would in itself be depreciated by the lack of the finished special effects.
X Men Origins: Wolverine may be the worst comic book movie ever made, ever. This includes Nick Fury, Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D starring Davind Hasselhoff, the practically unlicensed Fantastic Four from the mid 90s, Daredevil, Spiderman 3, and of course, X3 X Men United.
The reasons themselves are legion. The character of Wolverine was of the utmost importance to me as a child, so this offense is personal. It also gives me a certain kind of insight as to where abouts they went wrong. The characters of Deadpool and Gambit are also important to me, especially recently Deadpool. I also know very in depth the stories of Alpha Flight and Weapon X (also team x), which form the basis of any Wolverine origin story.
1. They never mention Alpha Flight by name, and it appears to be American in origin, as opposed to Canadian, despite having four Canadian members (Wolvie, Sabretooth, Deadpool, and John Wraith).
2. The X in weapon X is given as a number in a series of Weapons. This follows in the NEVER TO BE FOLLOWED Grant Morrison New X-Men story, which ties it to Captain America (Weapon I) etc. Would be nice, except this definitely does not seem like a tie into the Avengers Universe of Iron Man and The Incredible Hulk, making the point entirely moot.
3. Deadpool is gone within a matter of minutes.
4. Many members of Alpha Flight that shouldn't be in the group -- Bolt, Blob.
5. Deadpool doesn't have any powers at all in the beginning except being badass at martial arts. Also he has a distaste for using anything besides his swords, which is a lie because he will use anything at his disposal, including guns.
6. Sabretooths claws extend. WTF
7. Silver Fox is only loosely attached to weapon x, and has the power of persuasion. Oh, and she's related to Emma Frost (White Queen).
8.Blob is not extremely obese to start.
9. John Wraith teleports at will in public, in fact showboating it. In reality, he wants no one at all to know that he can teleport, even hides his powers from his teammates.
10. Really, I'm getting tired of naming every single innacuracy, and I kinda feel bad about nitpicking like this. Why don't I move straight to who is to blame. The list is long
1. Rupert Murdoch, head of Fox. Let this movie be made.
2. Marvel. Sold the rights to X Men pretty much entirely since X3. This is a Fox movie using Marvel characters, as opposed to being a Marvel movie produced by Fox.
3. Fox, they really screwed up the story of arguably one of the most followed Comic book characters of the past 25 years. Even people who did not follow comics followed Wolvie.
4. Grant Morrison. His New X Men storyline about Weapon X is the one predominantly used. It also happens to be the one that is never ever used in any other X Men continuity.
5. Ryan Reynolds. He played an adequately well enough Deadpool that they had to identify not only the character in the beginning as Wade Wilson, but the monstrosity at the end (see picture above) as Deadpool. We all know that is not Deadpool by any stretch.
6. Hugh Jackman. He's really digging this whole Wolvie gig, except he sucks at it. Kinda funny how the voice of Wolverine in the short lived show Pride of the X Men was Australian. Just a funny coincidence is all. He also thinks he's the current foremost expert on the character. It's a shame really, cos it seems he doesn't know a thing.
7. David Beinoff. He's the man who wrote this piece of garbage. Probably never picked up a comic book in his life (ahem Tim Burton's Batman ahem).
8. The World Series of Poker. Gambit's entrance is at an underground high stakes poker game. Not exactly where I'd picture him. Oh, they're probably also playing Texas Hold 'em, not the poker game I'd picture him playing. Oh, and there's cameos by some people who do that world series thing or whatever its called.
9. Gavin Hood. He directs this piece of crap.
10. Whoever thought it was a good idea to do what they did to Deadpool. Deadpool was part of Weapon X, he got the healing factor to cure his cancer, and then became crazy, the merc with the mouth. He did not receive about 20 different powers to become some sort of controllable monster that cannot speak.
Seriously, what they did to Deadpool was unforgivable. I am going to have to write an alternate movie solely for Deadpool. I'm thinking something along the lines of a Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back type of deal, maybe, except instead of dodging Will Ferrel, it's like Taskmaster or T-Ray or something.
And why does he never break the fourth wall? That can be very easily done. Just have him fuggin narrate the thing in real time, seen on screen. Really, not that hard.
How could they screw something like this up that badly? I feel like a part of my childhood has been cornered in a dark alley and raped repeatedly.
-- Knuttel
No comments:
Post a Comment