"... frailty, thy name is woman!"
[Hamlet I.2.150]
Why, Mickey Bay, why?
Overall Grade: F-
In short, the movie was too long, boring, unoriginal and unexciting.
There was climactic music, yet no climax. There was dramatic (written) dialogue, yet no drama.
Looking at the last two sentences, if that could be done, and the movie is still watchable, congratulations, that may be art, but alas, Mickey Bay could not do it.
In the end, not even Megan Fox running in slow motion from explosions in a tight, low cut shirt could save this movie.
The movie was about 2.5 hours long, and yet it had no coherent plot or storyline. From what I gather, there were about 5 or 6 storylines, yet none of them actually seem to dovetail into each other. Any transitions are clearly covered up in the ploy of deus ex machina. Oh yeah, that's right; the 2 and a half hour Mickey Bay suckfest contained no actual climax.
How are these transformers going back and forth between earth and their home planet so quickly and easily? Especially since most of them don't fly. How are they hacking into satelites so easily? If they can just merge with other machines, why don't they? Or why do they only have two shapes to transform between? Are there 18 wheel trucks on cybertron?
Ok, getting past that -- What's up with the comic relief robots? I found them just annoying. During the course of a 2.5 hour movie, i didn't see fit the need to decipher everything that was shredded up to sound like a robot. How did the other robots get so much inflection in their voice boxes? It seemed like every robot that wasn't cracking wise was trying to deliver a monologue about a lost childhood or something.
And what was the deal with the decepticon college girl? Am I to believe they created her years ago so she could go to school and attend a prestigious east coast university? I also found it odd her relentless pursuit of Shia Labeouf. A girl that attractive would just move on, one would think, especially if he was just writing symbols the whole time.
I often imagine what it looks like when Mickey Bay tried writing it.
"OMG, it's Shia Labeouf, I remember you from "Even Stevens". Weren't you in Holes too? How about you penetrate some of my holes..."
"Umm no, sorry, I'm busy writing down all these symbols I don't understand to creep out my roommate, I'm also obsessing over Megan Fox, so yeah"
"Is this about your car throwing up on me? Cos I'm cool with that."
"Um no, I just don't like you at all, I want you to leave."
"Ok, I'll just rape you instead."
-- Little did Shia know that she was just a robot who looked like a hot girl, like that chick from Terminator 3: Rise of the machines. She should also have a hot robot tongue for when I try making out with her. Wait, you mean she's not actually a robot, just an actress? Fuck, this writing thing is hard. Note to self, hire someone else to write this movie, but try and keep this scene. Another note to self, delete this, but later, you have some explosions to edit.
Which brings me to the explosions. They looked way too planned and simultaneous for a warzone type atmosphere.
Why all of the slo mo? Why all of the spinning? Who is actually responsible for the cinemetography?
Are Shia Lebeouf's parents there for any reason at all? They seemed to have somewhat of a minor part in the first movie, but here they just seemed tagged on. Cameos would've been fine.
The one question that still surrounds me the most is : Why was this movie made?
-- Knuttel
6.20.2009
Iran: Transformers of 2009 (more than meets the eye)
"Something is rotten in the state of Denmark"
[Hamlet, I.4.100]
Here are the facts as they exist thus far
1. The official results (as validated by Ayatollah Khomeni) show Mahmoud Ahmadinejad winning re-election with a popular vote total nearing 65%.
2. Ahmadinejad is the head of the more radical Iranian party.
3. The more moderate candidate, the one pretty much every western publication said would eke out a victory, only garnered about 35% of the popular vote.
4. The President has little to no power in the Iranian government. He is mostly just a figurehead, with some say in foreign policy.
5. Ayatollah Khomeni and his elite council run the country in a theocratic government.
6. An Ayatollah has ruled over Iran since the Shah was deposed in 1979 for being too friendly to American interests.
7. Iranian-American relations have always been complicated.
8. Political parties do not have control over their constituents, and certainly do not control those with similar goals who are not constituents.
9. Glenn Beck is a retard (please stop confusing your idiocy with one of the greatest pieces of revolutionary writing of the 18th century. Thomas Paine IS rolling in his grave).
10. Riots are occurring everywhere across Iran in protest of the Presidential results, especially in the capital and largest city -- Tehran.
11. Ayatollah Khomeni issued a proclamation calling Ahmadinejad the winner, end of story, all protesters will be dealt with violently, and the more moderate party is to blame for their actions.
12. Seriously Glenn Beck, just stop.
What to make of all this?
The Ayatollah still officially runs things, but is feeling like he is losing his grip on the people. As their political interests become more secular, a theocracy becomes less appealing. The president doesn't really do much in Iranian affairs, but having someone who is not Ahmadinejad in office would be a small victory for the Iranian people (think the government of Kerensky in 1917 Russia).
American intervention in this matter must be very delicate, if at all, due to the longstanding complications in relations between the two nations. If America shows too much support for the moderate candidate, he may be viewed as a western lackey. Iranians must find democracy for themselves, but they may need some help along the way.
The riots won't stop until the Ayatollah makes some sort of concessions (whether it be in power or politically, by having a recount or even re-election). The moderate party has little to actually do with the riots. Because the riots are so widespread and affecting many demographics, they do not currently run the risk of doing what the yippies did in the late '60s, who ended up alienating an entire country from anything politically associated with hippies. (Tried taking over 1968 Democratic national convention in Chicago, but were never invited. Instead they just decided to antagonize the police all across Chicago. Trying to show the nation how right they were through police brutality, they just looked like a bunch of dicks. Funny part is they got a candidate they wanted, and he still lost -- to Dick Nixon.)
Glen Beck is a force that needs to be stopped and cancelled.
This situation still has alot of settling to do before we know what the true Iranian situation is going to be.
-- Knuttel
[Hamlet, I.4.100]
Here are the facts as they exist thus far
1. The official results (as validated by Ayatollah Khomeni) show Mahmoud Ahmadinejad winning re-election with a popular vote total nearing 65%.
2. Ahmadinejad is the head of the more radical Iranian party.
3. The more moderate candidate, the one pretty much every western publication said would eke out a victory, only garnered about 35% of the popular vote.
4. The President has little to no power in the Iranian government. He is mostly just a figurehead, with some say in foreign policy.
5. Ayatollah Khomeni and his elite council run the country in a theocratic government.
6. An Ayatollah has ruled over Iran since the Shah was deposed in 1979 for being too friendly to American interests.
7. Iranian-American relations have always been complicated.
8. Political parties do not have control over their constituents, and certainly do not control those with similar goals who are not constituents.
9. Glenn Beck is a retard (please stop confusing your idiocy with one of the greatest pieces of revolutionary writing of the 18th century. Thomas Paine IS rolling in his grave).
10. Riots are occurring everywhere across Iran in protest of the Presidential results, especially in the capital and largest city -- Tehran.
11. Ayatollah Khomeni issued a proclamation calling Ahmadinejad the winner, end of story, all protesters will be dealt with violently, and the more moderate party is to blame for their actions.
12. Seriously Glenn Beck, just stop.
What to make of all this?
The Ayatollah still officially runs things, but is feeling like he is losing his grip on the people. As their political interests become more secular, a theocracy becomes less appealing. The president doesn't really do much in Iranian affairs, but having someone who is not Ahmadinejad in office would be a small victory for the Iranian people (think the government of Kerensky in 1917 Russia).
American intervention in this matter must be very delicate, if at all, due to the longstanding complications in relations between the two nations. If America shows too much support for the moderate candidate, he may be viewed as a western lackey. Iranians must find democracy for themselves, but they may need some help along the way.
The riots won't stop until the Ayatollah makes some sort of concessions (whether it be in power or politically, by having a recount or even re-election). The moderate party has little to actually do with the riots. Because the riots are so widespread and affecting many demographics, they do not currently run the risk of doing what the yippies did in the late '60s, who ended up alienating an entire country from anything politically associated with hippies. (Tried taking over 1968 Democratic national convention in Chicago, but were never invited. Instead they just decided to antagonize the police all across Chicago. Trying to show the nation how right they were through police brutality, they just looked like a bunch of dicks. Funny part is they got a candidate they wanted, and he still lost -- to Dick Nixon.)
Glen Beck is a force that needs to be stopped and cancelled.
This situation still has alot of settling to do before we know what the true Iranian situation is going to be.
-- Knuttel
6.15.2009
The American Media is Misleading
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, loved abroad (in the Middle East), hated at home. For you see, Iran is made up largely of an urban and young population which does not agree with his views.
Wrong.
Maybe it's just media groupthink (I don't really expect in Iranian media to explore the "darker" parts of the cities, nor any of the countryside), but that is what every single media outlet (tv, print, etcetera) says of Iran.
Yet Mahmoud won 65% of the vote to become re-elected as President. While the results are already being disputed, he was still projected at a 50/50 dead heat with the closest competitor. Therefore, at best, half of the country agrees with him and thinks he would be a good President.
The fact of him being President is even made out to be more of a deal than it should be, as Iranian Presidents don't usually wield that much power. Usually the power is in the hands of the Ayatollah. But seriously, why can't at least the mighty and powerful American media paint a more accurate picture.
Tampering would have to be on a huge scale to make my point invalid. To put it in perspective, the Ukranian voting debacle of a few years ago had some pretty major-scale tampering, yet it only affected a few percentage points in favor of the government in power.
Maybe Iran has bizarro voting, and they say bad-bye as a greeting. I dunno.
-- Knuttel
Wrong.
Maybe it's just media groupthink (I don't really expect in Iranian media to explore the "darker" parts of the cities, nor any of the countryside), but that is what every single media outlet (tv, print, etcetera) says of Iran.
Yet Mahmoud won 65% of the vote to become re-elected as President. While the results are already being disputed, he was still projected at a 50/50 dead heat with the closest competitor. Therefore, at best, half of the country agrees with him and thinks he would be a good President.
The fact of him being President is even made out to be more of a deal than it should be, as Iranian Presidents don't usually wield that much power. Usually the power is in the hands of the Ayatollah. But seriously, why can't at least the mighty and powerful American media paint a more accurate picture.
Tampering would have to be on a huge scale to make my point invalid. To put it in perspective, the Ukranian voting debacle of a few years ago had some pretty major-scale tampering, yet it only affected a few percentage points in favor of the government in power.
Maybe Iran has bizarro voting, and they say bad-bye as a greeting. I dunno.
-- Knuttel
6.13.2009
Congratulations, Bud Selig; the Red Sox won
You got what you want. Don't pretend it's any different.
I saw the Greg Dobbs hit in the 10th/11th ish (really, it's all extra, so i don't know). You know the one that screamed down the right field line, at a height well over the foul pole, before careening to land slightly foul; the one that was deemed foul based on landing by the first base umpire, regardless of its flightpath; the one that the umpire then refused to review, not saying "it can't be reviewed" but rather "I'm not gonna review it"; yeah, I saw it.
I also saw the ever shrinking strike zone for pitcher Kyle Kendrick in the 12th inning. The Red Sox hadn't had a hit since the 8th, all of a sudden they get the bases loaded. The pitcher doesn't seem to have control issues, yet keeps throwing balls. Eventually readjusting to this new strike zone, Kendrick throws strikes, that get continually slammed into the outfield, scoring 3 runs.
And for that, I ask, why?
Maybe the hit was foul, but it was sooooo close, it had to have been reviewed. Was it because of extra innings? Was it because the umpire was being an asshole? Was it because Bud Selig had a bet against Pete Rose, stating the Red Sox would win? Wait, I forgot, betting is the one (and only) unforgivable sin in all of baseball (one of the greatest players of all time is held out of the Hall because he threw a game to earn a little more than the minumum wage that was payed to him), so let's rephrase that as a "friendly wager".
As for the strike zone in the 12th; consistency is really all pitchers are asking for. If the zone had been that small all game, I doubt regulation would have ended 2-2.
Oh, and in other news, the Penguins won the stanley cup. I didn't watch enough of the game to accurately determine if/how Bettman got Crosby to win, so I won't comment on that. However, it should be mentioned that he pretty much didn't shake the hands of any Red Wings fans, instead giving his own teammates and coaches high fives (good for you! thanks!!) and butt slaps/ass poundings until the Red Wings ceremoniously exited ice for the locker room. It should also be noted that Marian Hossa just can't seem to pick the right team (lost the finals with the Pens last year, lost with the Red Wings this year). He must be the anti-Claude Lemieux.
-- Knuttel
I saw the Greg Dobbs hit in the 10th/11th ish (really, it's all extra, so i don't know). You know the one that screamed down the right field line, at a height well over the foul pole, before careening to land slightly foul; the one that was deemed foul based on landing by the first base umpire, regardless of its flightpath; the one that the umpire then refused to review, not saying "it can't be reviewed" but rather "I'm not gonna review it"; yeah, I saw it.
I also saw the ever shrinking strike zone for pitcher Kyle Kendrick in the 12th inning. The Red Sox hadn't had a hit since the 8th, all of a sudden they get the bases loaded. The pitcher doesn't seem to have control issues, yet keeps throwing balls. Eventually readjusting to this new strike zone, Kendrick throws strikes, that get continually slammed into the outfield, scoring 3 runs.
And for that, I ask, why?
Maybe the hit was foul, but it was sooooo close, it had to have been reviewed. Was it because of extra innings? Was it because the umpire was being an asshole? Was it because Bud Selig had a bet against Pete Rose, stating the Red Sox would win? Wait, I forgot, betting is the one (and only) unforgivable sin in all of baseball (one of the greatest players of all time is held out of the Hall because he threw a game to earn a little more than the minumum wage that was payed to him), so let's rephrase that as a "friendly wager".
As for the strike zone in the 12th; consistency is really all pitchers are asking for. If the zone had been that small all game, I doubt regulation would have ended 2-2.
Oh, and in other news, the Penguins won the stanley cup. I didn't watch enough of the game to accurately determine if/how Bettman got Crosby to win, so I won't comment on that. However, it should be mentioned that he pretty much didn't shake the hands of any Red Wings fans, instead giving his own teammates and coaches high fives (good for you! thanks!!) and butt slaps/ass poundings until the Red Wings ceremoniously exited ice for the locker room. It should also be noted that Marian Hossa just can't seem to pick the right team (lost the finals with the Pens last year, lost with the Red Wings this year). He must be the anti-Claude Lemieux.
-- Knuttel
6.11.2009
The greatness of Raul Ibanez
It has been a while since I last wrote about baseball, but baseball is once again upon us, therefore it must be written.
Raul Ibanez is awesome.
He has picked up where Brad Lidge seemed to drop between seasons (he'll get back though).
The game today is testament to his awesomeness.
He simply willed the 3 run homer in extra innings.
He chose not to hit the whole game until then, simply as a means to toy with the mets.
And for that, we won.
Also, honorable mention to Jayson Werth's several award winning catch from yesterday's many inning game to the mets.
-- By my count, he won the heisman, the vezina, the naismith, and should have entered the stadium today in the yellow jersey.
-- Knuttel
Raul Ibanez is awesome.
He has picked up where Brad Lidge seemed to drop between seasons (he'll get back though).
The game today is testament to his awesomeness.
He simply willed the 3 run homer in extra innings.
He chose not to hit the whole game until then, simply as a means to toy with the mets.
And for that, we won.
Also, honorable mention to Jayson Werth's several award winning catch from yesterday's many inning game to the mets.
-- By my count, he won the heisman, the vezina, the naismith, and should have entered the stadium today in the yellow jersey.
-- Knuttel
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