10.01.2009

Puck the System volume 1: season preview


After a month long hiatus, the Knuttel returns, with a new installment titled "Puck the System". Why the hiatus? Well, Knuttel thought he was going to OCS today, but he got delayed until January, so posting should again be semi-regular, besides, it's not like shit happens in the summer anyway.


WAR. PUCK THE SYSTEM. WAR. PUCK THE SYSTEM PUCK THE SYSTEM.
I NEED TO PUCK THE SYS I NEED TO PUCK THE SYS

Despite Gary Bettman's best intentions, the NHL still remains an active league that regularly plays games and has a fair method of selecting its yearly champion (the president's trophy, obviously).

- The Flyers have decided to dump both of their goaltenders from last year (Biron and Nittymaki) despite usually good play from both. I suppose the hot and cold streaks were too much, so they just decided to save Emery from the KHL, whose hot and cold streaks are so severe, I'm actually looking forward to see if he'll stab anybody who scores on him (bonus points if its Crysby).

- The Flyers have also signed Chris Pronger ... to a ten year contract. Here's to looking forward to the Flyers having a legitimate first line defender locked up until the age of 50 -- whatevs, Chelios is still playing I think.

- Crysby still has not shaken the hands of the Detroit Red Wings after defeating them in the Stanley Cup finals. Look for him to be a marked man and the subject of many a dirty hit. Also look for him to flop on many times more a clean hit.

- Not even The Great One could save hockey (or establish it?) in the desert (I know, I expected more of Rich Tocchet too). Despite all of this, Gary Bettman is insisting on keeping the Coyotes in Pheonix. Common sense would say the team would fare better in its previous home of Winnipeg, or even Hamilton, Ontario, but this is also the league that thinks salary caps, and salary caps alone create parity (the NFL has nothing to do with salary caps, and theyre gonna be gone anyway, it's all revenue sharing and ginormous TV contracts).

- Direct TV subscribers were almost left without hockey for the year, in yet another move where someone actually called Gary Bettman's bluff, and he had shit. Sadly VS. and NBC cover hockey a million times better than ESPN ever did, or even how ESPN covers anything now. It's just the exposure. I mean, ESPN's lead hockey analyst's credentials are coaching Wayne Gretzky for a year or two in LA (and not winning a single game later on in Tampa Bay) and having a mullet.

- Crazy predictions time
-- Ovechkin will average more than one goal a game, and challenge for Gretzky's, if not Hull's, scoring record.
-- Someone else will come close.
-- Malkin will end the season with 50 more points than Crysby, but everyone will still insist Crysby is the better player. They will both still refuse to play defense.
-- PHEONIX WILL MAKE THE PLAYOFFS
-- hah, no they won't
-- Chicago will not compete for a playoff spot at all after making a decent playoff run for the first time in like 15 years last season.
-- Tampa Bay will have 2 40 goal scorers, but they will not win 25 games.
-- The Toronto Maple Leafs will correct their grammar and go as the "Toronto Maple Leaves".
-- Shit, these predictions are too mild. whatevs. wait for the season to actually start.

-- I refuse to make any predictions or write about the Canucks, Oilers, and Flames, due to their proximity to where nickelback is from. If the teams were to take it upon their own hands to eliminate this band, physically, I'll reconsider.

-- Knuttel

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