Knuttel's Bitch-ass Weaksauce Salsa

So I've been given the task of making salsa for thanksgiving, but my last batch, I guess, was too hot for everybody.

So while I still plan on bringing some of the old salsa to thanksgiving, I had to make a new batch.

"Please, please, please, we want your salsa but it's too hot, the Knuttel," they told me amidst their tears (yes, my family calls me the Knuttel).

Making a bitching bitch-ass weaksauce salsa is no small feat, so I had to use a lot of thinking stuff to figure out how to make it work.  Here is the recipe below.  I'll put a post-script or something about how it actually turned out.



Knuttel's bitch-ass weaksauce salsa

3 jalepenos
6 bell peppers
4 tomatoes
1 onion
1 can black beans
1 can corn
cilantro
thyme, thai basil, whatever other herbs you want
seasonings
about a quarter/half cup each of lemon and lime juice
1 can of tomato paste

1- Empty cans of corn and beans. Rinse off using strainer and put aside.
2- Prepare roasting tray. Put tomatoes on it whole. Slice jalepenos in half and core them, put them on the tray skin side out. Do the same with the bell peppers.
3- Set oven to broil at 550 degrees. Put roasting tray under broiler and roast until the items blister, then turn and let the rest of it blister. This whole process should take about 10 minutes. Don't worry about burning them unless you have tiny peppers or something. Other than yet, “burning” would be better, as it helps more with the next step.
4- Put roasted products in ice bath. Peel skin from them once cool. The roasting process is essential to both the flavor and texture of the salsa.
5- Chop up onion and herbs. With the cilantro, I discarded most of the stem. I usually don't add cilantro to salsa, but this is weaksauce salsa, so it needs more flavor. But as far as herbs go, I just used some thyme and thai basil in addition. Sweet basil would be a good recommendation, but my plant died, so no go. Use it at your own discretion, but any inclusion would be better.
6- Chop up peppers and tomatoes, and whatever else was roasted. Careful, some of them will explode, especially tomatoes and uncut peppers.
7- Add corn and beans that were placed aside into mixing bowl along with everything else.
8- Get a pot on the stove and heat up a good amount of oil on the bottom. As it is warming up add your seasonings. I used salt, pepper, garlic powder, chili powder, cumin, and red pepper. Be liberal with your seasoning, and try to put the balance in favor of the chili powder.
9- Add contents of the mixing bowl to the pot. The oil may splash up a little bit.
10- Add tomato paste and citrus juices to the pot mixture and mix everything together.
11- Bring to a boil.
12- Drop heat and let it simmer for a few hours, stirring occasionally.
13- Put in some sort of vessel and let it at least cool before serving, if not let it sit in the refrigerator overnight.

And there is how to make Knuttel's bitch-ass weaksauce salsa