There really aren't enough of them.
26. Brad Lidge dared Chase Utley to drop the F bomb in the World Series speeches after the parade on Friday, but then Utley wussed out. Lidge double dog dared him, and he still wasn’t gonna do it. So then Lidge triple dog dared him and threatened to throw his slider at his face. The rest is history.
27. One time Brad Lidge’s slider went up against Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick. I don’t recall seeing any Chuck Norris movies recently.
28. Harry Kalas’ voice is so powerful it can open a pickle jar. Ok, that’s not about Lidge, but it needs to be said.
29. Brad Lidge once pretended to be a moose, and hunted Sarah Palin. The one out now is simply an imposter.
30. Brad Lidge gave his voice over talents to Harry Kalas after he heard what former Phillies relief pitcher Wheels was doing with his.
31. Brad Lidge ate John Kruk’s surgically removed nut on a dare, then spit it out and threw a slider at Billy Wagner’s face.
32. Brad Lidge recently took all of Pete Rose’s gambling prophets after Pete Rose said he could hit his slider.
33. Brad Lidge accidentally broke the window of the Delorean from Back to the Future when his slider slipped into the space time continuum as he was striking out Chipper Jones.
34. When Brad Lidge played for the Houston Astros, he always said whether the roof was open or closed while he was pitching, regardless of whether how it was the rest of the game.
35. Brad Lidge is currently on the NSA Terror watch list, after the incident in Crawford, Texas. He was pitching some balls to GW Bush, but Bush couldn’t hit his slider, Lidge wasn’t about to back down, so he beaned him in the head and threw a pretzel down his throat. The NSA has no chance of catching him.
36. When fans of opposing teams see Brad Lidge warm up in the bullpen, they either leave because they know they have officially lost the game, or they stay to marvel at the sweet-ass slider.
37. Brad Lidge’s slider put Pat Burrel in permanent slow motion.
38. Brad Lidge and Mitch Williams regularly play a pitching version of Horse, ala Michael Jordan and Larry Bird. The difference is they usually wager two big macs instead of one.
39. Brad Lidge used his slider to help John Rambo when he was in Afghanistan in Rambo 3.
40. Bruce Lee used to train for agility by trying to dodge Brad Lidge sliders. This didn’t last too long, as Brad Lidge never misses.
41. Once, Brad Lidge’s slider broke so hard, it went underground and killed a few Molemen. The FBI tried to keep the situation under wraps, but the moleman head Brad Lidge keeps as a trophy is too sweet to not show around.
42. The bomb that blew up the death star was based off of Brad Lidge’s slider.
43. John Wilkes Booth wanted to use Brad Lidge’s slider to kill Abraham Lincoln, but Brad Lidge liked the dude, so Booth was forced to use a derringer. On the way down, Lidge threw a slider at his leg and broke it.
44. Brad Lidge taught Zakk Wylde how to play guitar.
45. Brad Lidge can turn back time like Superman by throwing his slider against the earth’s rotation.
46. Brad Lidge’s slider once beat the Flash in a race because the Flash stopped to gaze at the awesome breaking action.
47. If Brad Lidge is bored while in New York, he’ll demand entrance to The Boy From Oz (he doesn’t have to pay) and just throw sliders at Hugh Jackman’s face.
48. Mayor Michael Nutter ran his campaign on the platform of how awesome Brad Lidge’s slider is. He won in a landslide.
49. Charlie Manuel almost didn’t want Brad Lidge on his team because he thought it was too unfair an advantage that the rest of his team would only have to pitch 8 innings a game.
50. Once Brad Lidge asked Vin Diesel if he was actually Fast and/or Furious. Vin Diesel ran away crying.
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