There really aren't enough of them.
26. Brad Lidge dared Chase Utley to drop the F bomb in the World Series speeches after the parade on Friday, but then Utley wussed out. Lidge double dog dared him, and he still wasn’t gonna do it. So then Lidge triple dog dared him and threatened to throw his slider at his face. The rest is history.
27. One time Brad Lidge’s slider went up against Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick. I don’t recall seeing any Chuck Norris movies recently.
28. Harry Kalas’ voice is so powerful it can open a pickle jar. Ok, that’s not about Lidge, but it needs to be said.
29. Brad Lidge once pretended to be a moose, and hunted Sarah Palin. The one out now is simply an imposter.
30. Brad Lidge gave his voice over talents to Harry Kalas after he heard what former Phillies relief pitcher Wheels was doing with his.
31. Brad Lidge ate John Kruk’s surgically removed nut on a dare, then spit it out and threw a slider at Billy Wagner’s face.
32. Brad Lidge recently took all of Pete Rose’s gambling prophets after Pete Rose said he could hit his slider.
33. Brad Lidge accidentally broke the window of the Delorean from Back to the Future when his slider slipped into the space time continuum as he was striking out Chipper Jones.
34. When Brad Lidge played for the Houston Astros, he always said whether the roof was open or closed while he was pitching, regardless of whether how it was the rest of the game.
35. Brad Lidge is currently on the NSA Terror watch list, after the incident in Crawford, Texas. He was pitching some balls to GW Bush, but Bush couldn’t hit his slider, Lidge wasn’t about to back down, so he beaned him in the head and threw a pretzel down his throat. The NSA has no chance of catching him.
36. When fans of opposing teams see Brad Lidge warm up in the bullpen, they either leave because they know they have officially lost the game, or they stay to marvel at the sweet-ass slider.
37. Brad Lidge’s slider put Pat Burrel in permanent slow motion.
38. Brad Lidge and Mitch Williams regularly play a pitching version of Horse, ala Michael Jordan and Larry Bird. The difference is they usually wager two big macs instead of one.
39. Brad Lidge used his slider to help John Rambo when he was in Afghanistan in Rambo 3.
40. Bruce Lee used to train for agility by trying to dodge Brad Lidge sliders. This didn’t last too long, as Brad Lidge never misses.
41. Once, Brad Lidge’s slider broke so hard, it went underground and killed a few Molemen. The FBI tried to keep the situation under wraps, but the moleman head Brad Lidge keeps as a trophy is too sweet to not show around.
42. The bomb that blew up the death star was based off of Brad Lidge’s slider.
43. John Wilkes Booth wanted to use Brad Lidge’s slider to kill Abraham Lincoln, but Brad Lidge liked the dude, so Booth was forced to use a derringer. On the way down, Lidge threw a slider at his leg and broke it.
44. Brad Lidge taught Zakk Wylde how to play guitar.
45. Brad Lidge can turn back time like Superman by throwing his slider against the earth’s rotation.
46. Brad Lidge’s slider once beat the Flash in a race because the Flash stopped to gaze at the awesome breaking action.
47. If Brad Lidge is bored while in New York, he’ll demand entrance to The Boy From Oz (he doesn’t have to pay) and just throw sliders at Hugh Jackman’s face.
48. Mayor Michael Nutter ran his campaign on the platform of how awesome Brad Lidge’s slider is. He won in a landslide.
49. Charlie Manuel almost didn’t want Brad Lidge on his team because he thought it was too unfair an advantage that the rest of his team would only have to pitch 8 innings a game.
50. Once Brad Lidge asked Vin Diesel if he was actually Fast and/or Furious. Vin Diesel ran away crying.
Showing posts with label Brad Lidge Facts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Brad Lidge Facts. Show all posts
11.02.2008
10.31.2008
"...and on the third pitch, he threw a slider"
It was inevitable that somebody would make them, so I am personally taking it upon myself to write them.
1. The secret to Brad Lidge's slider rests not with his grip or throwing mechanics, but rather he simply tells the balls that they are in fact, going to slide. They always listen.
2. When Brad Lidge joined the Phillies he wanted to be the best Pitcher on the team, no question, so he kicked Cole Hamels' nuts back into his body (resulting in his voice). It is, however, theorized that when Hamels' nuts re-descend, his fastball will reach 140 and his curveball will break 3 feet.
3. Brad Lidge doesn't vacuum, dirt just doesn't dare linger on his floor. (courtesy of scott)
4. Brad Lidge decided to be a closer because his batting would unusually disrupt hitting statistics as we know them.
5. Additionally, this would create pressure to make him an everyday player, and its just not fair to the other pitchers to have this man go 9 innings every game.
6. The only reason Gillick approved of sending Bourne to Houston for Lidge was because of Lidge's blinding speed. Coincidentally, Lidge is the emergency pinch runner/ fielder for both Shane Victorino and Jimmy Rollins.
7. Brad Lidge once struck out Jose Reyes without even throwing a pitch.
8. Brad Lidge gave up the Homer to Albert Pujols in the 2005 NLCS because he was bored and wanted to see if a baseball could go into outer space. Pujols gravely dissappointed Lidge.
9. Underneath Brad Lidges beard, there is not a chin, but rather a slider.
10. Pope Benny 16 is officially changing the church hymn to "Lidge takes mound, Lidge is pitching, Lidge will save again"
11. Bernie Parent recently revealed that when only the Lord saved more than he, he was actually talking about Brad Lidge.
12. Global Warming is actually caused by Lidge's slider, as the ball itself does not break, but rather he brings the earth incrementally closer to the sun (or moon for a night game). Al Gore recently proposed that the greatest cure to Global Warming would be to insure Lidge only pitches when the earth is not facing the sun.
13. Pat Burrel is incapable of hitting a breaking ball because once Lidge threw him a slider in batting practice, and he shit his pants.
14. Brad Lidges clocks set themselves. (scott)
15. Brad Lidge can fix the economy with a slider (scott)
16. The Army once inquired about the use of Lidge's slider as a deadly weapon.
17. Brad Lidge's slider doesn't negotiate with terrorists.
18. Brad Lidge has not supported any Presidential candidate because he knew he would immediately be asked to be the running mate.
19. Brad Lidge realized at an early age that his slider could be used to achieve world peace. However, he realized at an even earlier age that he hates hippies.
20. Brett Myers' wife decided not to press domestic assault charges on him because Brett was simply trying to show his wife how to throw Lidge's slider, but failed miserably.
21. One time, Brad lidge beat Babe Ruth in a Hot Dog eating contest.
22. Joe Carter's body was found dead on wednesday night. The cause of death was reportedly Brad Lidge's slider.
23. Brad Lidge orders whoppers at McDonalds, and gets them. (scott)
24. When Pedro Feliz was hurt, Charlie Manuel tried putting Brad Lidge at third. Ryan Howard needed a new glove each inning.
25. Brad Lidge's slider can smell fear.
1. The secret to Brad Lidge's slider rests not with his grip or throwing mechanics, but rather he simply tells the balls that they are in fact, going to slide. They always listen.
2. When Brad Lidge joined the Phillies he wanted to be the best Pitcher on the team, no question, so he kicked Cole Hamels' nuts back into his body (resulting in his voice). It is, however, theorized that when Hamels' nuts re-descend, his fastball will reach 140 and his curveball will break 3 feet.
3. Brad Lidge doesn't vacuum, dirt just doesn't dare linger on his floor. (courtesy of scott)
4. Brad Lidge decided to be a closer because his batting would unusually disrupt hitting statistics as we know them.
5. Additionally, this would create pressure to make him an everyday player, and its just not fair to the other pitchers to have this man go 9 innings every game.
6. The only reason Gillick approved of sending Bourne to Houston for Lidge was because of Lidge's blinding speed. Coincidentally, Lidge is the emergency pinch runner/ fielder for both Shane Victorino and Jimmy Rollins.
7. Brad Lidge once struck out Jose Reyes without even throwing a pitch.
8. Brad Lidge gave up the Homer to Albert Pujols in the 2005 NLCS because he was bored and wanted to see if a baseball could go into outer space. Pujols gravely dissappointed Lidge.
9. Underneath Brad Lidges beard, there is not a chin, but rather a slider.
10. Pope Benny 16 is officially changing the church hymn to "Lidge takes mound, Lidge is pitching, Lidge will save again"
11. Bernie Parent recently revealed that when only the Lord saved more than he, he was actually talking about Brad Lidge.
12. Global Warming is actually caused by Lidge's slider, as the ball itself does not break, but rather he brings the earth incrementally closer to the sun (or moon for a night game). Al Gore recently proposed that the greatest cure to Global Warming would be to insure Lidge only pitches when the earth is not facing the sun.
13. Pat Burrel is incapable of hitting a breaking ball because once Lidge threw him a slider in batting practice, and he shit his pants.
14. Brad Lidges clocks set themselves. (scott)
15. Brad Lidge can fix the economy with a slider (scott)
16. The Army once inquired about the use of Lidge's slider as a deadly weapon.
17. Brad Lidge's slider doesn't negotiate with terrorists.
18. Brad Lidge has not supported any Presidential candidate because he knew he would immediately be asked to be the running mate.
19. Brad Lidge realized at an early age that his slider could be used to achieve world peace. However, he realized at an even earlier age that he hates hippies.
20. Brett Myers' wife decided not to press domestic assault charges on him because Brett was simply trying to show his wife how to throw Lidge's slider, but failed miserably.
21. One time, Brad lidge beat Babe Ruth in a Hot Dog eating contest.
22. Joe Carter's body was found dead on wednesday night. The cause of death was reportedly Brad Lidge's slider.
23. Brad Lidge orders whoppers at McDonalds, and gets them. (scott)
24. When Pedro Feliz was hurt, Charlie Manuel tried putting Brad Lidge at third. Ryan Howard needed a new glove each inning.
25. Brad Lidge's slider can smell fear.
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