"...and on the third pitch, he threw a slider"

It was inevitable that somebody would make them, so I am personally taking it upon myself to write them.


1. The secret to Brad Lidge's slider rests not with his grip or throwing mechanics, but rather he simply tells the balls that they are in fact, going to slide. They always listen.

2. When Brad Lidge joined the Phillies he wanted to be the best Pitcher on the team, no question, so he kicked Cole Hamels' nuts back into his body (resulting in his voice). It is, however, theorized that when Hamels' nuts re-descend, his fastball will reach 140 and his curveball will break 3 feet.

3. Brad Lidge doesn't vacuum, dirt just doesn't dare linger on his floor. (courtesy of scott)

4. Brad Lidge decided to be a closer because his batting would unusually disrupt hitting statistics as we know them.

5. Additionally, this would create pressure to make him an everyday player, and its just not fair to the other pitchers to have this man go 9 innings every game.

6. The only reason Gillick approved of sending Bourne to Houston for Lidge was because of Lidge's blinding speed. Coincidentally, Lidge is the emergency pinch runner/ fielder for both Shane Victorino and Jimmy Rollins.

7. Brad Lidge once struck out Jose Reyes without even throwing a pitch.

8. Brad Lidge gave up the Homer to Albert Pujols in the 2005 NLCS because he was bored and wanted to see if a baseball could go into outer space. Pujols gravely dissappointed Lidge.

9. Underneath Brad Lidges beard, there is not a chin, but rather a slider.

10. Pope Benny 16 is officially changing the church hymn to "Lidge takes mound, Lidge is pitching, Lidge will save again"

11. Bernie Parent recently revealed that when only the Lord saved more than he, he was actually talking about Brad Lidge.

12. Global Warming is actually caused by Lidge's slider, as the ball itself does not break, but rather he brings the earth incrementally closer to the sun (or moon for a night game). Al Gore recently proposed that the greatest cure to Global Warming would be to insure Lidge only pitches when the earth is not facing the sun.

13. Pat Burrel is incapable of hitting a breaking ball because once Lidge threw him a slider in batting practice, and he shit his pants.

14. Brad Lidges clocks set themselves. (scott)

15. Brad Lidge can fix the economy with a slider (scott)

16. The Army once inquired about the use of Lidge's slider as a deadly weapon.

17. Brad Lidge's slider doesn't negotiate with terrorists.

18. Brad Lidge has not supported any Presidential candidate because he knew he would immediately be asked to be the running mate.

19. Brad Lidge realized at an early age that his slider could be used to achieve world peace. However, he realized at an even earlier age that he hates hippies.

20. Brett Myers' wife decided not to press domestic assault charges on him because Brett was simply trying to show his wife how to throw Lidge's slider, but failed miserably.

21. One time, Brad lidge beat Babe Ruth in a Hot Dog eating contest.

22. Joe Carter's body was found dead on wednesday night. The cause of death was reportedly Brad Lidge's slider.

23. Brad Lidge orders whoppers at McDonalds, and gets them. (scott)

24. When Pedro Feliz was hurt, Charlie Manuel tried putting Brad Lidge at third. Ryan Howard needed a new glove each inning.

25. Brad Lidge's slider can smell fear.