It has been a while since I last wrote about baseball, but baseball is once again upon us, therefore it must be written.
Raul Ibanez is awesome.
He has picked up where Brad Lidge seemed to drop between seasons (he'll get back though).
The game today is testament to his awesomeness.
He simply willed the 3 run homer in extra innings.
He chose not to hit the whole game until then, simply as a means to toy with the mets.
And for that, we won.
Also, honorable mention to Jayson Werth's several award winning catch from yesterday's many inning game to the mets.
-- By my count, he won the heisman, the vezina, the naismith, and should have entered the stadium today in the yellow jersey.
-- Knuttel
6.11.2009
5.30.2009
A second look at that Wolverine movie thing
Due to the subject matter of the movie being so pressing for the world of comic books, I have decided to take a second look at X-Men Origins: Wolverine (though it's probably more like x-men oranges:tangerine, amirite?), this time observing the final, completed project.
I feel I should explain how this viewing came to be. Well, it was Wednesday, and some friends and I were watching the UEFA Champions league game in Center City in a bar, and being drunk and suggestible, we decided it was a good idea to watch that wolverine movie, i think as a joke, but does it really matter at this point?
First things first
What was different from the leak to the finished product? If you recall, the leak came out a month ahead of the planned theater release, the special effects look unfinished all around, and they claimed they had to add a scene or two.
Well, the scenes that looked really unfinished (as in stand in computer graphics) were finished, but that was pretty much it. Aside from the final fight with "deadpool", there was little to none done to improve the special effects of the movie. In fact, I waited through the credits to see that final clip that was rumored (meh). The real joy from doing this was seeing how short the actual credits were. For a movie of that production value scale, it was extremely small in fact -- compare to waiting till the end of one of the Matrixes (probably reloaded) to see that clip, the credit list was monstrous. It's as if they simply plan on passing out x:men movies as quick as possible, knowing that they're a sellable commodity, even when they suck (see: X3).
Oh, and the "younger" Professor X looks like a clown. And, little nit picking note here, but didn't Prof X lose his ability to walk sometime in the 50's or 60's (not sure of the exact date/year, but Lucifer dropped a rock on his legs or something before he founded the X men). The bulk of the wolverine movie appears to take place in the 70's -- that's another thing, for something that needs to rely so strongly on convention and proven methods of writing workable "dramatic" matierial, the action is spread out over a veeerrrryyy long period of time, and that's not even counting the "throwaway" intro showing what Wolvie and Sabretooth did from the mid 1800's (before Canada, let alone the NW territories existed) until they got kicked out the the AMERICAN army during Vietnam.
The worst part may actually still be the deadpool treatment. It appears as if somehow during the course of that month when the movie was leaked and outrage stormed, one of the gaff boys or whatever was actually decided to pick up a (and i mean a, singular) deadpool comic and tried coaxing the director to throw some shit in there. The result was really only two things -- his face is scarred (though not that much, and not because of cancer) and at one point the area around his eyes was black, like his mask (except this was on his skin, as a reaction to shooting cyclops' optic blasts). I wouldn't be surprised to go back and look at the credits and see T-Ray as a producer.
I'm still puzzeled as to how they could have screwed it up that much. Really. The humor was there though, in a mystery science theater 3000 sort of way. Still no consolation.
I feel I should explain how this viewing came to be. Well, it was Wednesday, and some friends and I were watching the UEFA Champions league game in Center City in a bar, and being drunk and suggestible, we decided it was a good idea to watch that wolverine movie, i think as a joke, but does it really matter at this point?
First things first
What was different from the leak to the finished product? If you recall, the leak came out a month ahead of the planned theater release, the special effects look unfinished all around, and they claimed they had to add a scene or two.
Well, the scenes that looked really unfinished (as in stand in computer graphics) were finished, but that was pretty much it. Aside from the final fight with "deadpool", there was little to none done to improve the special effects of the movie. In fact, I waited through the credits to see that final clip that was rumored (meh). The real joy from doing this was seeing how short the actual credits were. For a movie of that production value scale, it was extremely small in fact -- compare to waiting till the end of one of the Matrixes (probably reloaded) to see that clip, the credit list was monstrous. It's as if they simply plan on passing out x:men movies as quick as possible, knowing that they're a sellable commodity, even when they suck (see: X3).
Oh, and the "younger" Professor X looks like a clown. And, little nit picking note here, but didn't Prof X lose his ability to walk sometime in the 50's or 60's (not sure of the exact date/year, but Lucifer dropped a rock on his legs or something before he founded the X men). The bulk of the wolverine movie appears to take place in the 70's -- that's another thing, for something that needs to rely so strongly on convention and proven methods of writing workable "dramatic" matierial, the action is spread out over a veeerrrryyy long period of time, and that's not even counting the "throwaway" intro showing what Wolvie and Sabretooth did from the mid 1800's (before Canada, let alone the NW territories existed) until they got kicked out the the AMERICAN army during Vietnam.
The worst part may actually still be the deadpool treatment. It appears as if somehow during the course of that month when the movie was leaked and outrage stormed, one of the gaff boys or whatever was actually decided to pick up a (and i mean a, singular) deadpool comic and tried coaxing the director to throw some shit in there. The result was really only two things -- his face is scarred (though not that much, and not because of cancer) and at one point the area around his eyes was black, like his mask (except this was on his skin, as a reaction to shooting cyclops' optic blasts). I wouldn't be surprised to go back and look at the credits and see T-Ray as a producer.
I'm still puzzeled as to how they could have screwed it up that much. Really. The humor was there though, in a mystery science theater 3000 sort of way. Still no consolation.
5.27.2009
The Starship has left earth
Jefferson Starship is the image of washed up and datedness.
I recently had the "pleasure" of seeing them play a free show at the AC boardwalk. Thank god it was free.
Only one member remains from when the band was called "Jefferson Airplane" and only one other is from the original Jefferson Starship days of the mid-70s. Grace Slick apparently retired sometime around the late 80s, early 90s; leaving arguably the most identifiable member of the group out (especially to those who are not hardcore followers). In her stead, a washed up blues singer has filled the space. Her claim to fame thus far is playing Janis Joplin in a musical biography of the singer. Writer's note: She was born in 1969, according to wikipedia, meaning she was hardly even conscious for all of this stuff. The lead guitarist looked like a 60 year old sonic the hedgehog, at least the haircut. He's only been with the band since the mid 90s. Same goes for the keyboardist (who also plays bass synth, replacing the awesome need of having an actual bassist on stage, for shame). The drummer has been with the band maybe a year or two.
Maybe the show wouldn't have been so bad if they weren't so insistant on playing new material, including a folk song about Barrack Obama (San Francisco Liberals haven't done any of those yet, have they?")
Did black cargo pants come back in style? Were they ever in style?
Is Jefferson Starship the soundtrack to the daily life of a casino security guard?
How many packs of cigarettes can the lone original member smoke within a set/show?
Has the old starship member ever gotten off his seemingly decade long acid trip?
If they're anarchists then why do they support Barrack Obama, not only one in favor of institutions, but of creating new ones and making existing ones larger?
Are people still oblivious to the fact that "White Rabbit" is about drugs?
Why did the chick singer keep playing "solo" stuff?
Why didn't they play "we built this city (on rock and roll)"?
Much like the number of licks to get to the center of a tootsie pop (3), the world may never know the answers to these questions.
-- Knuttel
I recently had the "pleasure" of seeing them play a free show at the AC boardwalk. Thank god it was free.
Only one member remains from when the band was called "Jefferson Airplane" and only one other is from the original Jefferson Starship days of the mid-70s. Grace Slick apparently retired sometime around the late 80s, early 90s; leaving arguably the most identifiable member of the group out (especially to those who are not hardcore followers). In her stead, a washed up blues singer has filled the space. Her claim to fame thus far is playing Janis Joplin in a musical biography of the singer. Writer's note: She was born in 1969, according to wikipedia, meaning she was hardly even conscious for all of this stuff. The lead guitarist looked like a 60 year old sonic the hedgehog, at least the haircut. He's only been with the band since the mid 90s. Same goes for the keyboardist (who also plays bass synth, replacing the awesome need of having an actual bassist on stage, for shame). The drummer has been with the band maybe a year or two.
Maybe the show wouldn't have been so bad if they weren't so insistant on playing new material, including a folk song about Barrack Obama (San Francisco Liberals haven't done any of those yet, have they?")
Did black cargo pants come back in style? Were they ever in style?
Is Jefferson Starship the soundtrack to the daily life of a casino security guard?
How many packs of cigarettes can the lone original member smoke within a set/show?
Has the old starship member ever gotten off his seemingly decade long acid trip?
If they're anarchists then why do they support Barrack Obama, not only one in favor of institutions, but of creating new ones and making existing ones larger?
Are people still oblivious to the fact that "White Rabbit" is about drugs?
Why did the chick singer keep playing "solo" stuff?
Why didn't they play "we built this city (on rock and roll)"?
Much like the number of licks to get to the center of a tootsie pop (3), the world may never know the answers to these questions.
-- Knuttel
5.05.2009
Bo, the new Checkers
About a month or so ago the President finally got his family that dog he promised them. Now that the news on this has died down, it is now time for me to throw my two cents in. Barry O was often quoted as stating before that he wanted a "hypo-allergenic" dog, and he wanted a dog from a shelter.
The only shelter this dog came from was one of the Kennedy Compounds.
That's right, Bo, the purebread Portuguese Water dog, was formerly a pet of Senator Ted Kennedy.
For those of you who have been living in a cave, Senator Ted Kennedy is an old and particularly powerful Democratic Senator from an old and particularly powerful political family (his cousin, Jack, maybe you've heard of him, he was President of the United States from 1961-1963).
So basically this dog is a political favor, a gift, expecting return.
It's very similar to a situation that occured 53 years ago, when Vice President Nixon was campaigning for he and President Eisenhower's second term. In addition to receiving a substantial amount of money from a prominent Texas political booster, Nixon received a puppy named Checkers.
So these situations are pretty darn similar. Prominent Executive office position holder receives puppy dog in exchange for what would appear to be a political favor. The kids loving the dog of course is always the reason that the dog cannot go. They've grown too attached.
So why is Obama receiving no crap at all for this, yet when this happened to Nixon, alot of prominent politicians (both sides of the aisle, if I remember correctly) called for Nixon's removal from the ticket. Eisenhower himself had to issue a speach saying something to the effect of "as for the dog, we've decided to keep him" -- referring of course to Nixon, and not Checkers.
So seriously. Try to have at least just a little bit of journalistic integrity on the matter. The not-from-a-shelter issue got moderately explored, but that was about it.
Is Obama really that much of a media darling?
I could start a rant here, but in possibly better judgement I am choosing against it.
-- Knuttel
The only shelter this dog came from was one of the Kennedy Compounds.
That's right, Bo, the purebread Portuguese Water dog, was formerly a pet of Senator Ted Kennedy.
For those of you who have been living in a cave, Senator Ted Kennedy is an old and particularly powerful Democratic Senator from an old and particularly powerful political family (his cousin, Jack, maybe you've heard of him, he was President of the United States from 1961-1963).
So basically this dog is a political favor, a gift, expecting return.
It's very similar to a situation that occured 53 years ago, when Vice President Nixon was campaigning for he and President Eisenhower's second term. In addition to receiving a substantial amount of money from a prominent Texas political booster, Nixon received a puppy named Checkers.
So these situations are pretty darn similar. Prominent Executive office position holder receives puppy dog in exchange for what would appear to be a political favor. The kids loving the dog of course is always the reason that the dog cannot go. They've grown too attached.
So why is Obama receiving no crap at all for this, yet when this happened to Nixon, alot of prominent politicians (both sides of the aisle, if I remember correctly) called for Nixon's removal from the ticket. Eisenhower himself had to issue a speach saying something to the effect of "as for the dog, we've decided to keep him" -- referring of course to Nixon, and not Checkers.
So seriously. Try to have at least just a little bit of journalistic integrity on the matter. The not-from-a-shelter issue got moderately explored, but that was about it.
Is Obama really that much of a media darling?
I could start a rant here, but in possibly better judgement I am choosing against it.
-- Knuttel
4.28.2009
Arlen Specter
Arlen Specter has always been a favorite politician of mine. Why? Because he holds fast to his own political beliefs, that's why. He acts in the best interest of his state and his country, not in the best interest of his party.
That's what makes him a great Senator.
And that's exactly why he had to switch parties.
The Republican party has essentially given up on the Northeast, and plans on giving up even further. Toomey was slated to run against Specter again in the primaries. He only narrowly lost last time, and already was predicted to have a 20 point lead for the election next year. Toomey is a far right republican, compared to Specter's moderate. So, if the Pennsylvania Republican party had its way, it would have rather run someone willing to tow the party line over someone who is willing to not make a mockery over the political process.
How bad is the Republican party trying to lose that its scaring away some of its most powerful politicians? Do they want to cling onto a narrow majority in a small, changing (yeah, it is), part of the country? Speaking of that change, yeah, that means they're gonna lose that part of the country too (North Carolina and Virginia, remind me who won them in the last presidential cycle).
Jesus Christ, just because Neo-conservativism was hi-jacked and distorted doesn't mean you have to resort to being the dixie party again.
Do they realize that liberatarian economic policies have large numbers of supporters in the Northeast (and other current democratic strongholds) in addition to parts they already have? Not to mention, the most charismatic leader of this part of the party is himself a Texan.
The democrats here don't actually win that much. Just another Senator titularly in their party (Specter actually switched parties originally very early in his career, to get the position of Philadelphia D.A.). Specter will still vote his own way.
I wonder what party and/or wing is going to replace the void that is quickly being created by the Republicans. Remember, it only took about 2 or 3 election cycles to make the Whigs a distant memory. And it was all because the Whigs refused to recognize the will of a changing nation.
That's what makes him a great Senator.
And that's exactly why he had to switch parties.
The Republican party has essentially given up on the Northeast, and plans on giving up even further. Toomey was slated to run against Specter again in the primaries. He only narrowly lost last time, and already was predicted to have a 20 point lead for the election next year. Toomey is a far right republican, compared to Specter's moderate. So, if the Pennsylvania Republican party had its way, it would have rather run someone willing to tow the party line over someone who is willing to not make a mockery over the political process.
How bad is the Republican party trying to lose that its scaring away some of its most powerful politicians? Do they want to cling onto a narrow majority in a small, changing (yeah, it is), part of the country? Speaking of that change, yeah, that means they're gonna lose that part of the country too (North Carolina and Virginia, remind me who won them in the last presidential cycle).
Jesus Christ, just because Neo-conservativism was hi-jacked and distorted doesn't mean you have to resort to being the dixie party again.
Do they realize that liberatarian economic policies have large numbers of supporters in the Northeast (and other current democratic strongholds) in addition to parts they already have? Not to mention, the most charismatic leader of this part of the party is himself a Texan.
The democrats here don't actually win that much. Just another Senator titularly in their party (Specter actually switched parties originally very early in his career, to get the position of Philadelphia D.A.). Specter will still vote his own way.
I wonder what party and/or wing is going to replace the void that is quickly being created by the Republicans. Remember, it only took about 2 or 3 election cycles to make the Whigs a distant memory. And it was all because the Whigs refused to recognize the will of a changing nation.
4.07.2009
The suck fest that is "X Men Origins: Wolverine"
Now, before I begin, I want to make it clear that Fox said it was OK to download this movie off the internet. Therefore, this review is not illegal.
I also want to mention, before I begin, that I will not comment at all on any of the special effects, or any bit of the movie where quality would in itself be depreciated by the lack of the finished special effects.
X Men Origins: Wolverine may be the worst comic book movie ever made, ever. This includes Nick Fury, Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D starring Davind Hasselhoff, the practically unlicensed Fantastic Four from the mid 90s, Daredevil, Spiderman 3, and of course, X3 X Men United.
The reasons themselves are legion. The character of Wolverine was of the utmost importance to me as a child, so this offense is personal. It also gives me a certain kind of insight as to where abouts they went wrong. The characters of Deadpool and Gambit are also important to me, especially recently Deadpool. I also know very in depth the stories of Alpha Flight and Weapon X (also team x), which form the basis of any Wolverine origin story.
1. They never mention Alpha Flight by name, and it appears to be American in origin, as opposed to Canadian, despite having four Canadian members (Wolvie, Sabretooth, Deadpool, and John Wraith).
2. The X in weapon X is given as a number in a series of Weapons. This follows in the NEVER TO BE FOLLOWED Grant Morrison New X-Men story, which ties it to Captain America (Weapon I) etc. Would be nice, except this definitely does not seem like a tie into the Avengers Universe of Iron Man and The Incredible Hulk, making the point entirely moot.
3. Deadpool is gone within a matter of minutes.
4. Many members of Alpha Flight that shouldn't be in the group -- Bolt, Blob.
5. Deadpool doesn't have any powers at all in the beginning except being badass at martial arts. Also he has a distaste for using anything besides his swords, which is a lie because he will use anything at his disposal, including guns.
6. Sabretooths claws extend. WTF
7. Silver Fox is only loosely attached to weapon x, and has the power of persuasion. Oh, and she's related to Emma Frost (White Queen).
8.Blob is not extremely obese to start.
9. John Wraith teleports at will in public, in fact showboating it. In reality, he wants no one at all to know that he can teleport, even hides his powers from his teammates.
10. Really, I'm getting tired of naming every single innacuracy, and I kinda feel bad about nitpicking like this. Why don't I move straight to who is to blame. The list is long
1. Rupert Murdoch, head of Fox. Let this movie be made.
2. Marvel. Sold the rights to X Men pretty much entirely since X3. This is a Fox movie using Marvel characters, as opposed to being a Marvel movie produced by Fox.
3. Fox, they really screwed up the story of arguably one of the most followed Comic book characters of the past 25 years. Even people who did not follow comics followed Wolvie.
4. Grant Morrison. His New X Men storyline about Weapon X is the one predominantly used. It also happens to be the one that is never ever used in any other X Men continuity.
5. Ryan Reynolds. He played an adequately well enough Deadpool that they had to identify not only the character in the beginning as Wade Wilson, but the monstrosity at the end (see picture above) as Deadpool. We all know that is not Deadpool by any stretch.
6. Hugh Jackman. He's really digging this whole Wolvie gig, except he sucks at it. Kinda funny how the voice of Wolverine in the short lived show Pride of the X Men was Australian. Just a funny coincidence is all. He also thinks he's the current foremost expert on the character. It's a shame really, cos it seems he doesn't know a thing.
7. David Beinoff. He's the man who wrote this piece of garbage. Probably never picked up a comic book in his life (ahem Tim Burton's Batman ahem).
8. The World Series of Poker. Gambit's entrance is at an underground high stakes poker game. Not exactly where I'd picture him. Oh, they're probably also playing Texas Hold 'em, not the poker game I'd picture him playing. Oh, and there's cameos by some people who do that world series thing or whatever its called.
9. Gavin Hood. He directs this piece of crap.
10. Whoever thought it was a good idea to do what they did to Deadpool. Deadpool was part of Weapon X, he got the healing factor to cure his cancer, and then became crazy, the merc with the mouth. He did not receive about 20 different powers to become some sort of controllable monster that cannot speak.
Seriously, what they did to Deadpool was unforgivable. I am going to have to write an alternate movie solely for Deadpool. I'm thinking something along the lines of a Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back type of deal, maybe, except instead of dodging Will Ferrel, it's like Taskmaster or T-Ray or something.
And why does he never break the fourth wall? That can be very easily done. Just have him fuggin narrate the thing in real time, seen on screen. Really, not that hard.
How could they screw something like this up that badly? I feel like a part of my childhood has been cornered in a dark alley and raped repeatedly.
-- Knuttel
4.01.2009
Space Buddies: Oedipus without the incest
Enough of these negative posts bashing various positions within the NFL and whatever else.
How about something positive.
Space Buddies may be the greatest straight to video release yet this year.
Both the Air Buddies and Air Bud series are direct to video now, but the Air Bud series is much easier to ridicule because of its ridiculousness. The original had a lot of pure dramatic elements. It wasn't a comedy or a children's movie per se, it was a feel good film, a story about redemption, a story that taught a kid to believe in himself. The dog just happened to be how it happened. As the kid learned more sports (presumptively) so did the dog, even when it seemed entirely impossible for the dog to do so.
The Air Buddies series, on the other hand, isn't grounded in that realistic original that prevents the movies from truly embracing the farcical. On the contrary. The very premise that the dogs can talk (as can the other animals) opens up the entire world to put these puppies on fantastic adventures that seem to be able to work within its own world.
The movie does have some of the problems of standard kid fare. The ending is horribly predictable, there are some pretty big plotholes, there are some fairly large inconsistencies (in the matter of physics and the like, things not needing to be explained); but it still works.
Really, the film has some of the best dramatic irony since Sophocles' classic Oedipus Rex, the standard of the definition. No one but the audience knows who is on board the shuttle until they reach the moon. No one but the audience knows who the villian is until the end. No one but the audience knows how the shuttle manages to make certain corrections until the end.
-- And it's things like that which make the film legitamately good on its own merits. Sure the ending is incredibly standard, but I wanted to see how they'd get there, and how certain things would unfold. The journey was the destination itself.
The characters could be a little more dynamic, and maybe the plot a little more twisted, but hey, it's a kids movie. It is meant to entertain.
It entertains.
-- Knuttel
How about something positive.
Space Buddies may be the greatest straight to video release yet this year.
Both the Air Buddies and Air Bud series are direct to video now, but the Air Bud series is much easier to ridicule because of its ridiculousness. The original had a lot of pure dramatic elements. It wasn't a comedy or a children's movie per se, it was a feel good film, a story about redemption, a story that taught a kid to believe in himself. The dog just happened to be how it happened. As the kid learned more sports (presumptively) so did the dog, even when it seemed entirely impossible for the dog to do so.
The Air Buddies series, on the other hand, isn't grounded in that realistic original that prevents the movies from truly embracing the farcical. On the contrary. The very premise that the dogs can talk (as can the other animals) opens up the entire world to put these puppies on fantastic adventures that seem to be able to work within its own world.
The movie does have some of the problems of standard kid fare. The ending is horribly predictable, there are some pretty big plotholes, there are some fairly large inconsistencies (in the matter of physics and the like, things not needing to be explained); but it still works.
Really, the film has some of the best dramatic irony since Sophocles' classic Oedipus Rex, the standard of the definition. No one but the audience knows who is on board the shuttle until they reach the moon. No one but the audience knows who the villian is until the end. No one but the audience knows how the shuttle manages to make certain corrections until the end.
-- And it's things like that which make the film legitamately good on its own merits. Sure the ending is incredibly standard, but I wanted to see how they'd get there, and how certain things would unfold. The journey was the destination itself.
The characters could be a little more dynamic, and maybe the plot a little more twisted, but hey, it's a kids movie. It is meant to entertain.
It entertains.
-- Knuttel
3.27.2009
More About the "Brady Rule"
It came upon me not too long ago that this rule is more specifically tailored to Brady than perhaps it should be.
The one thing that seemed to bother him and his offense was the blitz (on either the rare occasion they didn't know the play before hand, or they decided to let it go).
Yeah, that's right. Pressure, getting a hand in his face, that is what stopped him the most.
While pressure seemingly affects all quarterbacks, Brady seems to stick out like a thorn in its affect. Some quarterbacks are simply not affected, while there are a rare few others (a B.R. from Pittsburgh) that seem to actually have better stats while being hit or on the run.
Oh, and that play where he got hurt, it was a blitzing safety who hit him.
Just throwing that out there.
The Tom Brady-fication of the league needs to stop.
The one thing that seemed to bother him and his offense was the blitz (on either the rare occasion they didn't know the play before hand, or they decided to let it go).
Yeah, that's right. Pressure, getting a hand in his face, that is what stopped him the most.
While pressure seemingly affects all quarterbacks, Brady seems to stick out like a thorn in its affect. Some quarterbacks are simply not affected, while there are a rare few others (a B.R. from Pittsburgh) that seem to actually have better stats while being hit or on the run.
Oh, and that play where he got hurt, it was a blitzing safety who hit him.
Just throwing that out there.
The Tom Brady-fication of the league needs to stop.
3.26.2009
The NFL Competition Committee Votes Against Playing Football
http://www.boston.com/sports/football/patriots/articles/2009/03/24/brady_rule_steps_taken_to_protect_qbs_knees/
After its meetings this week, the NFL has decided to put up a charade that football is being played, rather than fold entirely.
Yes, the NFL has decided that defenders who are rushing the passer need not exert any effort once blocked. Yes, tackling the quarterback is now illegal if in fact you are being blocked.
The league has decided that yes, in fact one player is not only greater than the team, but greater than the entire league.
No, we must never, ever be forced to suffer through another Tom Brady-less season. Because football without him is hell.
And God forbid they have to find a replacement. I mean, when Trent Green went down in 1999, the Rams only barely won the Super Bowl.
And when Drew Bledsoe went down in 2001, the Patriots had to use the second quarterback on their depth chart to win the AFC championship game. I hear they even had to steal signals to beat those Steelers.
And when...
OK, seriously, there is no actual discernible football reason for this rule to be made. It stifles defenses, and teams should never ever be reliant upon one quarterback. So why protect him so much more than the other players. Last time I checked, the Patriots still had a winning season (though could not win a weak division) and Brady's replacement was Franchised (giving him an 11 or so million dollar salary) before being traded to another team to be the cornerstone of their offense.
Just stop. OK. Just stop, Roger Goodel. You, sir, are killing a national sport. Something that was once revered is now but a laughing stock (as you plan on going international, no less).
-- Knuttel
After its meetings this week, the NFL has decided to put up a charade that football is being played, rather than fold entirely.
Yes, the NFL has decided that defenders who are rushing the passer need not exert any effort once blocked. Yes, tackling the quarterback is now illegal if in fact you are being blocked.
The league has decided that yes, in fact one player is not only greater than the team, but greater than the entire league.
No, we must never, ever be forced to suffer through another Tom Brady-less season. Because football without him is hell.
And God forbid they have to find a replacement. I mean, when Trent Green went down in 1999, the Rams only barely won the Super Bowl.
And when Drew Bledsoe went down in 2001, the Patriots had to use the second quarterback on their depth chart to win the AFC championship game. I hear they even had to steal signals to beat those Steelers.
And when...
OK, seriously, there is no actual discernible football reason for this rule to be made. It stifles defenses, and teams should never ever be reliant upon one quarterback. So why protect him so much more than the other players. Last time I checked, the Patriots still had a winning season (though could not win a weak division) and Brady's replacement was Franchised (giving him an 11 or so million dollar salary) before being traded to another team to be the cornerstone of their offense.
Just stop. OK. Just stop, Roger Goodel. You, sir, are killing a national sport. Something that was once revered is now but a laughing stock (as you plan on going international, no less).
-- Knuttel
3.24.2009
The NFL Competition Committee Convenes
http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/news?slug=packhowonemanwouldchange&prov=tsn&type=lgns
So the NFL Competition Committee is currently meeting in Los Angeles (Go Rams?) to discuss possible rule changes. Undoubtedly they have been vigorously reading this blog and are thus ready to cave into my demands.
The man who's article is linked directly above stands opposing to this superior mind of thinking. No wedge on kickoffs? A) how are you going to enforce that? B) how are kickoff teams going to block? C) Is the NFL going to pay for their players' tampons?
The Houchuli incident does need fixing, but officiating isn't something I am looking to involve myself in as of the moment. Maybe tomorrow.
The situation with roughing the passer has not, and does not look like it is going to be addressed. Defenses need to be able to play competitively, and not look around constantly to see if there's a striped fool ready to throw a flag at a moment's notice. Last time I checked, Quarterbacks also wear football pads, often times covering more than other players.
The situation with numbers also looks like it is not going to be addressed. Sadly the only exceptions to this rule seem to remain wide receivers who are mainly return specialists. When will justice be paid, so any non-offensive lineman can be declared an eligible receiver (if properly aligned, of course) without having to report to the referee first. Its bull shit. Numbers 1-19, among the most prized for High School and College Students (for all positions) are limited to Quarterbacks, Kickers, and Punters. Wide Receivers occasionally can done 10-19. That's still far too narrow. Too many players are simply football players first, position second (Anquan Boldin comes to mind, imagine what they can do with him if they don't have to lock him so obviously to one dimension).
Really, it looks like the NFL is busying itself to fix non-existent problems. Which is sad.
There are two things that the NFL can fix, that they should. Sadly it only looks like one will be used.
1) Get rid of blind blocks downfield.
Sometimes this is referred to as a crack block. This rule might actually get enforced. It is the rule that allowed a wide receiver (Hines Ward) to break the jaw of a linebacker on the Bengals. Yeah, the jaw. Football players wear facemasks. Their jaw should largely not be at risk. A player needs to be able to defend himself against anything coming at him. It's the very reason punt returners can fair catch the ball.
2) Get rid of helmet to helmet hits.
This, sadly, is not going to happen. And the culprit for this, ESPN. In it's attempt to find something highlight worthy for the defense, it turned to the pick and the huge hit. Interceptions happen, but not with enough frequency to consistently make highlights, quarterbacks are throwing fewer and fewer, and alot of them are simply unreturnable, which is where the highlight really is. So what they have left is the big hit. Since most viewers don't know what to look for in a big hit, they listen. The pop, that loud crunching noise of plastic hitting plastic. That is what they look for. 9 times out of 10, that is the result of the tackler's helmet smashing into the other players helmet or straight into the shoulder pads. Safety's seem to be the biggest culprit, though it is increasingly happenning with linebackers, who getting smaller and faster, don't get as much practice with form tackling, and resort to trying to make highlights (think of the speedy contact hitter trying to swing for the fences to try and prove he can drive the ball long).
It's a big mess, and they need to clean that up, especially since they already supposedly have rules about this. Fines after the game do nothing, since most players will do anything, dirty and clean, to try and win the game in that moment. Making the hit actually illegal on the field, and doing something about it on the actual field, will significantly reduce helmet to helmet hits. The league doesn't need any more Dirty Waterses committing suicide, or Ted Johnsons being forced to play and practice through unnecessary concussions.
They have a long ways to go.
-- Knuttel
So the NFL Competition Committee is currently meeting in Los Angeles (Go Rams?) to discuss possible rule changes. Undoubtedly they have been vigorously reading this blog and are thus ready to cave into my demands.
The man who's article is linked directly above stands opposing to this superior mind of thinking. No wedge on kickoffs? A) how are you going to enforce that? B) how are kickoff teams going to block? C) Is the NFL going to pay for their players' tampons?
The Houchuli incident does need fixing, but officiating isn't something I am looking to involve myself in as of the moment. Maybe tomorrow.
The situation with roughing the passer has not, and does not look like it is going to be addressed. Defenses need to be able to play competitively, and not look around constantly to see if there's a striped fool ready to throw a flag at a moment's notice. Last time I checked, Quarterbacks also wear football pads, often times covering more than other players.
The situation with numbers also looks like it is not going to be addressed. Sadly the only exceptions to this rule seem to remain wide receivers who are mainly return specialists. When will justice be paid, so any non-offensive lineman can be declared an eligible receiver (if properly aligned, of course) without having to report to the referee first. Its bull shit. Numbers 1-19, among the most prized for High School and College Students (for all positions) are limited to Quarterbacks, Kickers, and Punters. Wide Receivers occasionally can done 10-19. That's still far too narrow. Too many players are simply football players first, position second (Anquan Boldin comes to mind, imagine what they can do with him if they don't have to lock him so obviously to one dimension).
Really, it looks like the NFL is busying itself to fix non-existent problems. Which is sad.
There are two things that the NFL can fix, that they should. Sadly it only looks like one will be used.
1) Get rid of blind blocks downfield.
Sometimes this is referred to as a crack block. This rule might actually get enforced. It is the rule that allowed a wide receiver (Hines Ward) to break the jaw of a linebacker on the Bengals. Yeah, the jaw. Football players wear facemasks. Their jaw should largely not be at risk. A player needs to be able to defend himself against anything coming at him. It's the very reason punt returners can fair catch the ball.
2) Get rid of helmet to helmet hits.
This, sadly, is not going to happen. And the culprit for this, ESPN. In it's attempt to find something highlight worthy for the defense, it turned to the pick and the huge hit. Interceptions happen, but not with enough frequency to consistently make highlights, quarterbacks are throwing fewer and fewer, and alot of them are simply unreturnable, which is where the highlight really is. So what they have left is the big hit. Since most viewers don't know what to look for in a big hit, they listen. The pop, that loud crunching noise of plastic hitting plastic. That is what they look for. 9 times out of 10, that is the result of the tackler's helmet smashing into the other players helmet or straight into the shoulder pads. Safety's seem to be the biggest culprit, though it is increasingly happenning with linebackers, who getting smaller and faster, don't get as much practice with form tackling, and resort to trying to make highlights (think of the speedy contact hitter trying to swing for the fences to try and prove he can drive the ball long).
It's a big mess, and they need to clean that up, especially since they already supposedly have rules about this. Fines after the game do nothing, since most players will do anything, dirty and clean, to try and win the game in that moment. Making the hit actually illegal on the field, and doing something about it on the actual field, will significantly reduce helmet to helmet hits. The league doesn't need any more Dirty Waterses committing suicide, or Ted Johnsons being forced to play and practice through unnecessary concussions.
They have a long ways to go.
-- Knuttel
3.22.2009
Season 8, what hath become of you? (update)
Season 8 (Degrassi), from the start, was going to be an interesting experience. None of the students attending the school in season 1 attend the school anymore. Spinner still hangs around, even though he graduated, and Snake still teaches there. Emma, Manny, and Liberty are all out on their college experience.
But something grave has happened.
The man has found Degrassi.
It may have popped up as an anomaly where The Principal or the Cops or some other force has been the ultimate and true law, overruling everything about kid law. Season 8 thus far has been an exception. While the Principal himself as giver of the law may have been subverted to a certain extent (though after his totalitarian management of the football team), the kids have all been subject to laws outside of their own realm.
This has become really strong as of late. It began with "Heat of the Moment." The main plotline deals with a little sort of squabble that ends up online, where Alli makes a fool of Holly J to the extent that she doesn't want to come into school. This in and of itself would not be so bad, except, inexplicably, Acting Principal Snake Simpson and the Toronto Police Department both found out about this, giving her a school suspension, a juvenile criminal record, and at least a months worth of punishment from the parents.
It is a serious issue, for sure, but by some deus ex machina, Alli managed to get the worst punishment she could really get for this, and it all came seemingly from the outside. Not even Holly J was the one pressing charges. When Degrassi last dealt with bullying in general (not on the interwebs) the student himself eventually took matters into his own hands and shot the dude. Now, I'm not advocating School shootings by any stretch of the imagination, but this is a drastic shift in tone for the show. Before the adults were callous, uncaring, disinterested, and never out for the best interests. Now all of a sudden, they are watching, they will act when something is done wrong, and they claim (indisputably) that they are the best interest. When did Degrassi turn into Narc High?
3 episodes later, Narc-ville returns, in "Touch of Grey," which has only so far aired in Canada (thank you interwebs). In this episode, the main plotline deals with Emma's struggle to find an identity at college, in the process her nickname changes from "Blonde Emma" (even though at this point she is a brunette) to "Blaze." Yeah, this episode deals with pot, and what I assume to be outdated slang (I'm giving the kids younger than me some credit, surely they must use at least slightly different terminology). In this episode, a new friend of Emma's enters into a diabetic coma, and I am not making this up, because she forgets that she has diabetes after getting high off a few pot brownies. The RA's immediately know the culprit was pot brownies, because the method of choice for getting high by diabetics is naturally to consume pot with an extremely sugary baked confection. Campus police eventually catch up to "Blaze"'s roommate/boyfriend, who is trying to ditch her stash, because she didn't think of doing it herself earlier.
Compare this wth the way pot was dealt with during season 7 (before hand it was simply alluded to). Two instances specifically come up, one in "Love is Like a Battlefield" the other in the aptly titled "Pass the Ductchie." Both of these have very real circumstances, none of which are too heavyhanded. Both of which are ambiguous. In the first, Alex smokes up with Jay as a way to cheer him up after he gets dumped. Their friendship goes way back, and Jay had been alluded to as a smoker previously. This costs Alex her ability to help out her girlfriend, Paige, with her newfound job, and thus eventually costs her the relationship. In the latter, Spinner is dealing with chemotherapy and is having difficulty holding things down. Jay suggests to him that marijuana may help him with this (naturally Jay knows of its anti-emitic properties). It helps Spinner hold both his medicine and his food down, and everything is fine and dandy, until he loses focus in school (a recurring problem with him, mind you) and has some minor fights with his girlfriend, mainly about hanging out too much with his ex. He decides to stop, deal with the constant vomiting of chemo, and focus on school. What a trooper.
Both of these instances dealt with the actual effects of marijuana on the user, and not the possession of said substance. In addition, neither of those instances paints a black and white picture of marijuana use, and have arguably deleterious effects if they had chosen not to partake. If Alex hadn't smoked up with Jay, it would have soured that moment in their friendship, Alex disavailing herself while Jay needs her the most. If Spinner hadn't smoked up, he would have been throwing up even more. It gave him a few days of holding everything down, and he eventually learns on his own that he'd rather go without it. Jay isn't even painted as a stereotypical pothead. Thuggish, sure, pothead, nah, not really. Compared to Kelly's friend, total pothead (even down to recreational frisbee).
So why shift gears like this? It seems in the Degrassi universe, no longer is it the consequences of your own actions on your friends which affects you. No, it is the consequences from outside authority figures on seeing your actions that affects you.
Is Canada entering into some sort of Police State I am unaware of?
-- Knuttel
The intermediary episode (a two parter, "Jane Says") actually dealt with an important issue, the first time in a while they've dealt with such a serious issue. Sadly the secondary plots in both just seemed annoying. 1) don't lie to the popular kids because they are petty, and have poor taste in tv and music; 2) Claire starts attracting male attention away from Alli. Way to counterbalance child molestation. Yeah, and they definitely did scale back on the issue itself in both of them, old degrassi would have been much more intense.
And while I'm at it, what is the deal with all of the retconning?
Edit: An episode in Season 5 deals with pot, "Death of a Disco Dancer" I believe is what it was called. Paige gets a joint from her former Teacher/boyfriend now exile Matt O upon the official ending of their relationship. After stupidly flailing it about the front steps of the school, Paige and Alex settle on smoking up before the College/Career fair visits. Paige eventually has to interview with the representative from Banting (like the Ivy equivalent) who is also a family friend. She freaks out, her mom finds out she smoked, an she gets grounded or whatever. But again, here it is not the possession of Marijuana which caused the problem, and it's not the all seeing eye which incurred wrath. Again too, the situation surrounding the consumption is rather ambiguous. While Palex is certainly not making out, it is certainly in its beginning stages, and doing this helped to strengthen the budding friendship/romance.
Later in the season, there was another drug related matter. Not only did it deal with a much "harder" drug (percs), but the kid (JT) was straight up dealing them. Again, all of his consequences came from his peers (including his pregnant girlfriend) discovering his dealing and his eventual consumption (and overdose) on the drug itself. It was an ultimate lesson in responsibility, not a childish lesson in -- hey, why do you have that, you're not supposed to have that, I'm telling, you're gonna get in soo much trouble.
After all of these years, does Degrassi have to grow up?
But something grave has happened.
The man has found Degrassi.
It may have popped up as an anomaly where The Principal or the Cops or some other force has been the ultimate and true law, overruling everything about kid law. Season 8 thus far has been an exception. While the Principal himself as giver of the law may have been subverted to a certain extent (though after his totalitarian management of the football team), the kids have all been subject to laws outside of their own realm.
This has become really strong as of late. It began with "Heat of the Moment." The main plotline deals with a little sort of squabble that ends up online, where Alli makes a fool of Holly J to the extent that she doesn't want to come into school. This in and of itself would not be so bad, except, inexplicably, Acting Principal Snake Simpson and the Toronto Police Department both found out about this, giving her a school suspension, a juvenile criminal record, and at least a months worth of punishment from the parents.
It is a serious issue, for sure, but by some deus ex machina, Alli managed to get the worst punishment she could really get for this, and it all came seemingly from the outside. Not even Holly J was the one pressing charges. When Degrassi last dealt with bullying in general (not on the interwebs) the student himself eventually took matters into his own hands and shot the dude. Now, I'm not advocating School shootings by any stretch of the imagination, but this is a drastic shift in tone for the show. Before the adults were callous, uncaring, disinterested, and never out for the best interests. Now all of a sudden, they are watching, they will act when something is done wrong, and they claim (indisputably) that they are the best interest. When did Degrassi turn into Narc High?
3 episodes later, Narc-ville returns, in "Touch of Grey," which has only so far aired in Canada (thank you interwebs). In this episode, the main plotline deals with Emma's struggle to find an identity at college, in the process her nickname changes from "Blonde Emma" (even though at this point she is a brunette) to "Blaze." Yeah, this episode deals with pot, and what I assume to be outdated slang (I'm giving the kids younger than me some credit, surely they must use at least slightly different terminology). In this episode, a new friend of Emma's enters into a diabetic coma, and I am not making this up, because she forgets that she has diabetes after getting high off a few pot brownies. The RA's immediately know the culprit was pot brownies, because the method of choice for getting high by diabetics is naturally to consume pot with an extremely sugary baked confection. Campus police eventually catch up to "Blaze"'s roommate/boyfriend, who is trying to ditch her stash, because she didn't think of doing it herself earlier.
Compare this wth the way pot was dealt with during season 7 (before hand it was simply alluded to). Two instances specifically come up, one in "Love is Like a Battlefield" the other in the aptly titled "Pass the Ductchie." Both of these have very real circumstances, none of which are too heavyhanded. Both of which are ambiguous. In the first, Alex smokes up with Jay as a way to cheer him up after he gets dumped. Their friendship goes way back, and Jay had been alluded to as a smoker previously. This costs Alex her ability to help out her girlfriend, Paige, with her newfound job, and thus eventually costs her the relationship. In the latter, Spinner is dealing with chemotherapy and is having difficulty holding things down. Jay suggests to him that marijuana may help him with this (naturally Jay knows of its anti-emitic properties). It helps Spinner hold both his medicine and his food down, and everything is fine and dandy, until he loses focus in school (a recurring problem with him, mind you) and has some minor fights with his girlfriend, mainly about hanging out too much with his ex. He decides to stop, deal with the constant vomiting of chemo, and focus on school. What a trooper.
Both of these instances dealt with the actual effects of marijuana on the user, and not the possession of said substance. In addition, neither of those instances paints a black and white picture of marijuana use, and have arguably deleterious effects if they had chosen not to partake. If Alex hadn't smoked up with Jay, it would have soured that moment in their friendship, Alex disavailing herself while Jay needs her the most. If Spinner hadn't smoked up, he would have been throwing up even more. It gave him a few days of holding everything down, and he eventually learns on his own that he'd rather go without it. Jay isn't even painted as a stereotypical pothead. Thuggish, sure, pothead, nah, not really. Compared to Kelly's friend, total pothead (even down to recreational frisbee).
So why shift gears like this? It seems in the Degrassi universe, no longer is it the consequences of your own actions on your friends which affects you. No, it is the consequences from outside authority figures on seeing your actions that affects you.
Is Canada entering into some sort of Police State I am unaware of?
-- Knuttel
The intermediary episode (a two parter, "Jane Says") actually dealt with an important issue, the first time in a while they've dealt with such a serious issue. Sadly the secondary plots in both just seemed annoying. 1) don't lie to the popular kids because they are petty, and have poor taste in tv and music; 2) Claire starts attracting male attention away from Alli. Way to counterbalance child molestation. Yeah, and they definitely did scale back on the issue itself in both of them, old degrassi would have been much more intense.
And while I'm at it, what is the deal with all of the retconning?
Edit: An episode in Season 5 deals with pot, "Death of a Disco Dancer" I believe is what it was called. Paige gets a joint from her former Teacher/boyfriend now exile Matt O upon the official ending of their relationship. After stupidly flailing it about the front steps of the school, Paige and Alex settle on smoking up before the College/Career fair visits. Paige eventually has to interview with the representative from Banting (like the Ivy equivalent) who is also a family friend. She freaks out, her mom finds out she smoked, an she gets grounded or whatever. But again, here it is not the possession of Marijuana which caused the problem, and it's not the all seeing eye which incurred wrath. Again too, the situation surrounding the consumption is rather ambiguous. While Palex is certainly not making out, it is certainly in its beginning stages, and doing this helped to strengthen the budding friendship/romance.
Later in the season, there was another drug related matter. Not only did it deal with a much "harder" drug (percs), but the kid (JT) was straight up dealing them. Again, all of his consequences came from his peers (including his pregnant girlfriend) discovering his dealing and his eventual consumption (and overdose) on the drug itself. It was an ultimate lesson in responsibility, not a childish lesson in -- hey, why do you have that, you're not supposed to have that, I'm telling, you're gonna get in soo much trouble.
After all of these years, does Degrassi have to grow up?
3.20.2009
3.08.2009
A Watchmen review?
Is this going to be a Watchmen review? To be honest, I don't know and I can't really predict.
Maybe it's just going to be a Snyder (the director) review.
Yes, that is what it is going to be.
The Watchmen was everything 300 was not.
I say this as a man who has read both of these books before seeing the movies. Oh, and yes, they are books; just because they have pictures does not mean they cannot also be literature.
300, Snyder's first film which was not a remake (unless you consider it to be a remake of The 300 Spartans, the movie which probably inspired Miller to write the book) was a faithful adaptation, almost frame for frame. Really, there were several shots, slowed down to emphasize, which were from the book -- something done to great effect most notably in Sin City, but also done to far lesser extents (simple recognizable poses or phrases) in pretty much every comic book movie. But what Snyder cut out was the character development. The redemption of Stelios (or should I say, Stumblios) was cut out entirely, though he was still picked to lead the final charge. The rise of Leonidas himself was too bastardized. Though it was not cut, the scene in which he faces a wolf as a child turned from a coming of age survival story to simple badassery. Also, there was a plotline added where Leonidas' wife tries winning support in Sparta and in the Spartan senate.
The Watchmen, on the other hand sacrificed little, if any, character development. Rorschac's real identity is only alluded to, even when his face is exposed. That was a major flaw, but it doesn't really affect him as a character, it simply helps the audience understand him a little bit better. The curse of the black pearl, the meta-comic, was cut out, but it will be released separately, presumptively straight to video. Again, something that in and of itself does not hurt the media, but helps the audience to better understand what is going on. While both the book and the movie used an ensemble cast, the focus seemed to shift more to Silk Spectre II (or maybe Ackerman was just a scene-stealer). I dunno, maybe I was just drawn more to Rorschac's character when I read it, and the movie obviously couldn't have all of his insanity. They also cut out alot of the story about the Minutemen, the superhero group preceding the Watchmen, also including the Comedian.
Where the "freeze-frames" or slo-mo shots helped with 300, they hurt with Watchmen. 300 was set in a fantacized version of ancient greece. Slowing frames down emphasized their un-realness while making it all seem that much more epic. Watchmen had a realistic, dirty tinge to it. The only superhero with actual superhero powers was Dr. Manhattan, and that happenned in a ridiculously freak accident. These freeze-frames de-realized whatever scenes whenever they happenned.
In the end, as Moore himself said, it was written to sho what comics could do that cinema could not (sic). The universe that was so meticulously created in the comic was faithfully recreated in the movie sets, however movies move too fast. A true adaptation of the book would probably take 4, maybe 5 hours, and wouldn't really be that watchable. This was probably the best a Watchmen adaptation could be. It really is a good attempt, but it is not the best comic book movie, and never really could be unless it was severely stripped down from or "done in the spirit of" the book. Simple as that.
It's been common knowledge that Short Stories usually adapt much better than Novels into movies, now I guess we found out what happens when one full legnth comic with novel-esque depth (300 isn't very long, and Sin City is like an anthology of stories, not all of which were movie-ized (yet)) is adapted into a movie, at 2 hours and 40 minutes, still feeling a little light.
-- Knuttel
Maybe it's just going to be a Snyder (the director) review.
Yes, that is what it is going to be.
The Watchmen was everything 300 was not.
I say this as a man who has read both of these books before seeing the movies. Oh, and yes, they are books; just because they have pictures does not mean they cannot also be literature.
300, Snyder's first film which was not a remake (unless you consider it to be a remake of The 300 Spartans, the movie which probably inspired Miller to write the book) was a faithful adaptation, almost frame for frame. Really, there were several shots, slowed down to emphasize, which were from the book -- something done to great effect most notably in Sin City, but also done to far lesser extents (simple recognizable poses or phrases) in pretty much every comic book movie. But what Snyder cut out was the character development. The redemption of Stelios (or should I say, Stumblios) was cut out entirely, though he was still picked to lead the final charge. The rise of Leonidas himself was too bastardized. Though it was not cut, the scene in which he faces a wolf as a child turned from a coming of age survival story to simple badassery. Also, there was a plotline added where Leonidas' wife tries winning support in Sparta and in the Spartan senate.
The Watchmen, on the other hand sacrificed little, if any, character development. Rorschac's real identity is only alluded to, even when his face is exposed. That was a major flaw, but it doesn't really affect him as a character, it simply helps the audience understand him a little bit better. The curse of the black pearl, the meta-comic, was cut out, but it will be released separately, presumptively straight to video. Again, something that in and of itself does not hurt the media, but helps the audience to better understand what is going on. While both the book and the movie used an ensemble cast, the focus seemed to shift more to Silk Spectre II (or maybe Ackerman was just a scene-stealer). I dunno, maybe I was just drawn more to Rorschac's character when I read it, and the movie obviously couldn't have all of his insanity. They also cut out alot of the story about the Minutemen, the superhero group preceding the Watchmen, also including the Comedian.
Where the "freeze-frames" or slo-mo shots helped with 300, they hurt with Watchmen. 300 was set in a fantacized version of ancient greece. Slowing frames down emphasized their un-realness while making it all seem that much more epic. Watchmen had a realistic, dirty tinge to it. The only superhero with actual superhero powers was Dr. Manhattan, and that happenned in a ridiculously freak accident. These freeze-frames de-realized whatever scenes whenever they happenned.
In the end, as Moore himself said, it was written to sho what comics could do that cinema could not (sic). The universe that was so meticulously created in the comic was faithfully recreated in the movie sets, however movies move too fast. A true adaptation of the book would probably take 4, maybe 5 hours, and wouldn't really be that watchable. This was probably the best a Watchmen adaptation could be. It really is a good attempt, but it is not the best comic book movie, and never really could be unless it was severely stripped down from or "done in the spirit of" the book. Simple as that.
It's been common knowledge that Short Stories usually adapt much better than Novels into movies, now I guess we found out what happens when one full legnth comic with novel-esque depth (300 isn't very long, and Sin City is like an anthology of stories, not all of which were movie-ized (yet)) is adapted into a movie, at 2 hours and 40 minutes, still feeling a little light.
-- Knuttel
3.04.2009
Obama needs to take control
http://www.newsweek.com/id/186961
The above is a recent article in Newsweek that shows a clear problem in Washington.
There are some in the democratic party who don't realize who the party head is. By some, I mean Nancy Pelosi.
There are two possible people at any time who can be the party leader. If the party does not hold the presidency, then it is the party's national committee president who is the leader (although mostly in a quiet, behind the scenes way). If the party has the president, then he is the party leader.
Only in the rare case where the President is disowned by his party (yes, it has happened once, and we can blame the great comprimiser Henry Clay for that) (oh, and it was John Tyler), would that person no longer be the party leader.
Barry O has been in office for roughly a month. He has not done anything drastic so far to attract the ire of the party. He has no colossal screw ups, or at least it is far too early to tell.
So where does Pelosi get this power trip? She is running the house of representatives under her iron fist. Her constituency isn't even close to national. She is California's representative from San Francisco. She does not even represent the entire state of California.
Barry O needs to come in NOW and strong-arm her so she knows exactly how stuff will get done. If Barry O wants Washington to be bi-partisan, he is going to have to find a way to get Pelosi to put her ego or vendetta or whatever the hell it is (really, I'm clueless) aside.
-- Knuttel
The above is a recent article in Newsweek that shows a clear problem in Washington.
There are some in the democratic party who don't realize who the party head is. By some, I mean Nancy Pelosi.
There are two possible people at any time who can be the party leader. If the party does not hold the presidency, then it is the party's national committee president who is the leader (although mostly in a quiet, behind the scenes way). If the party has the president, then he is the party leader.
Only in the rare case where the President is disowned by his party (yes, it has happened once, and we can blame the great comprimiser Henry Clay for that) (oh, and it was John Tyler), would that person no longer be the party leader.
Barry O has been in office for roughly a month. He has not done anything drastic so far to attract the ire of the party. He has no colossal screw ups, or at least it is far too early to tell.
So where does Pelosi get this power trip? She is running the house of representatives under her iron fist. Her constituency isn't even close to national. She is California's representative from San Francisco. She does not even represent the entire state of California.
Barry O needs to come in NOW and strong-arm her so she knows exactly how stuff will get done. If Barry O wants Washington to be bi-partisan, he is going to have to find a way to get Pelosi to put her ego or vendetta or whatever the hell it is (really, I'm clueless) aside.
-- Knuttel
2.24.2009
On the Oscars
Let's just get down to the nitty gritty about the Oscars, why not?
Good
-Slumdog Millionaire came up huge. While some in India claim the plot etc is too cliche, it isn't really in America or the West, as the style is one that is predominant mainly in India. I have a feeling they would love Transporter 3, but alas, here it is same old same old.
Bad
-Nomination introductions for the acting awards. What is up with that? It is supposed to be the person of the opposite gender presents the award the next year. For example, if Heath Ledger were alive, he would present best supporting actress next year. Instead they did this huge elaborate ceremony with five past winners talking about awards and whatever, one for each person. When it came down to it, the only two I was really interested in hearing were Chris Walken for Supporting Actor (from Deer Hunter) and Ben Kingsley for Lead Actor (from Ghandi). Also, why wasn't Ben Kingsley nominated for anything? he was in like 6 movies (cancel out another because of the Love guru, so it's 4).
Bad
-Not only did Sean Penn win best actor, but (of course) he used the opportunity to grandstand on the issue of gay rights. I think he also called Obama gay ("I'm glad we have an elegant man as President"????). I should mention I am not against gay rights, it's just he phrased his whole argument alot like Clooney phrased his argument about the freedom of the press when he won for that forgettable anti-McCarthy movie. I wanted to punch Clooney in the face, and I've never liked Sen. McCarthy. While I would be happy if this man died, his life would forever be eulogized in an Eddie Vedder song, and he would be remembered as a martyr. He's always played an asshole, and that's what he is in real life. -- But what about Spacoli? Spacoli was an asshole, didn't anyone actually watch that movie? The only reason Mr. Hand liked him was 'cos he was an asshole too. Not to mention the Academy passed up an opportunity to give a career award to Frank Langella for a legitamately award worthy performance (so I've heard), likewise with Rourke.
Bad
-Hugh Jassman as host was subpar. This isn't the Tony's. The only semi-redeemable part was where he made Anne Hathaway act as Nixon.
Bad
-That huge musical number in the middle that mixed up a bunch of old oscar winning songs. If there's anything we learned from Moulin Rouge, it's that Baz Luhrman cannot be trusted to remix popular music. Almost entirely spoiled an on-screen appearance from Mean Girls' Seyfreid. Also, I know Beyonce sang "At Last" at the innauguration, and alot of people liked it (except the original performer), but this is the Oscars, not the innauguration.
Good
-Jack Black's presentation was awesome and awe inspiring. But then Kung Fu Panda didn't win anything despite being a far better movie than Wall-E. What is up with that academy?
Bad
-Wall-E won a ton of awards despite being a total piece of ass-crap. Was I the only one who didn't like that movie? And not because of the subliminal messaging throughout (Macs are awesome, Walmart is evil, if we kill the planet we can always come back when we're too fat for gravity to accept our body's movements and the soil is still too toxic for substinance farming). It was a boring movie. Yeah, the visuals were stunning, and yeah, maybe it should win some technical awards. But the movie was just that, an exercise. Besides that it was a boring, slow, plotless, characterless, settingless piece of crap.
Good
-Will Smith's live flub was amazing. I'm not saying that to make fun of him. He recovered awesomely and even let out some "boom goes the dynamite."
Bad
-Bill Mahr presented for best documentary (short then long) and of course had to talk about how awesome his own "documentary" wasn't nominated. A few problems. It wasn't a documentary, and probably wasn't funny enough to be a mockumentary. The premise is interesting but probably not really explored at all. He interviewed complete idiots and led them on with bad questions. No one can give you a definition of how the devil and the anti-christ are separate? Seriously? I can answer that question and I'm not even a church scholar. "The Devil" is a demon, a fallen angel who opposes God, much in the same way Lucifer, Beelzebub, and Satan are (yeah, they're all separate). Because none of them are God, they cannot be as strong or powerful, even when together (though their bickering prevents that). The anti-christ is simply the harbinger of the apocalypse. Fuck you Bill Mahr. Learn about your subject before you decide to condemn it.
Good
-Huge upset in Foreign language film land. I think I actually heard a monocle drop.
Good
-Kate Winslet finally won an oscar after being nominated like 50 times. Well you know what they always say, Nazi/Holocaust films aways win. I guess she gets bonus points for it also pretty much being a skin flick. Who would've thought she could pull off Nazi she-wolf so well?
Good
-Jerry Lewis is finally recognized for something outside of France. The man has been underappreciated for years. In addition to "recent revelations" that Deano was the true genius in Lewis and Martin, he was also held without cameos in both the Nutty Professor and Flubber. The man perfected the wacky scientist before it was even thought of.
Bad
-Yes, I know Peter Gabriel made a poor career choice in singing a song for Wall-E, but he should've at least sung his nominated song instead of that hack, John Legend.
Bad
-The Curious Case of Benjamin Button was both over-nominated and over-won. Over-winning for this movie includes winning anything, which I think it won one or two only. Also, did anyone see the look on David Fincher's face on the close up during hte presentation of the Director award? "So this is what happens when I take the Machete Dildos out of my movies" Advice, put them back in.
That seems like enough. No comment on the whole Pheonix saga.
--Knuttel
Good
-Slumdog Millionaire came up huge. While some in India claim the plot etc is too cliche, it isn't really in America or the West, as the style is one that is predominant mainly in India. I have a feeling they would love Transporter 3, but alas, here it is same old same old.
Bad
-Nomination introductions for the acting awards. What is up with that? It is supposed to be the person of the opposite gender presents the award the next year. For example, if Heath Ledger were alive, he would present best supporting actress next year. Instead they did this huge elaborate ceremony with five past winners talking about awards and whatever, one for each person. When it came down to it, the only two I was really interested in hearing were Chris Walken for Supporting Actor (from Deer Hunter) and Ben Kingsley for Lead Actor (from Ghandi). Also, why wasn't Ben Kingsley nominated for anything? he was in like 6 movies (cancel out another because of the Love guru, so it's 4).
Bad
-Not only did Sean Penn win best actor, but (of course) he used the opportunity to grandstand on the issue of gay rights. I think he also called Obama gay ("I'm glad we have an elegant man as President"????). I should mention I am not against gay rights, it's just he phrased his whole argument alot like Clooney phrased his argument about the freedom of the press when he won for that forgettable anti-McCarthy movie. I wanted to punch Clooney in the face, and I've never liked Sen. McCarthy. While I would be happy if this man died, his life would forever be eulogized in an Eddie Vedder song, and he would be remembered as a martyr. He's always played an asshole, and that's what he is in real life. -- But what about Spacoli? Spacoli was an asshole, didn't anyone actually watch that movie? The only reason Mr. Hand liked him was 'cos he was an asshole too. Not to mention the Academy passed up an opportunity to give a career award to Frank Langella for a legitamately award worthy performance (so I've heard), likewise with Rourke.
Bad
-Hugh Jassman as host was subpar. This isn't the Tony's. The only semi-redeemable part was where he made Anne Hathaway act as Nixon.
Bad
-That huge musical number in the middle that mixed up a bunch of old oscar winning songs. If there's anything we learned from Moulin Rouge, it's that Baz Luhrman cannot be trusted to remix popular music. Almost entirely spoiled an on-screen appearance from Mean Girls' Seyfreid. Also, I know Beyonce sang "At Last" at the innauguration, and alot of people liked it (except the original performer), but this is the Oscars, not the innauguration.
Good
-Jack Black's presentation was awesome and awe inspiring. But then Kung Fu Panda didn't win anything despite being a far better movie than Wall-E. What is up with that academy?
Bad
-Wall-E won a ton of awards despite being a total piece of ass-crap. Was I the only one who didn't like that movie? And not because of the subliminal messaging throughout (Macs are awesome, Walmart is evil, if we kill the planet we can always come back when we're too fat for gravity to accept our body's movements and the soil is still too toxic for substinance farming). It was a boring movie. Yeah, the visuals were stunning, and yeah, maybe it should win some technical awards. But the movie was just that, an exercise. Besides that it was a boring, slow, plotless, characterless, settingless piece of crap.
Good
-Will Smith's live flub was amazing. I'm not saying that to make fun of him. He recovered awesomely and even let out some "boom goes the dynamite."
Bad
-Bill Mahr presented for best documentary (short then long) and of course had to talk about how awesome his own "documentary" wasn't nominated. A few problems. It wasn't a documentary, and probably wasn't funny enough to be a mockumentary. The premise is interesting but probably not really explored at all. He interviewed complete idiots and led them on with bad questions. No one can give you a definition of how the devil and the anti-christ are separate? Seriously? I can answer that question and I'm not even a church scholar. "The Devil" is a demon, a fallen angel who opposes God, much in the same way Lucifer, Beelzebub, and Satan are (yeah, they're all separate). Because none of them are God, they cannot be as strong or powerful, even when together (though their bickering prevents that). The anti-christ is simply the harbinger of the apocalypse. Fuck you Bill Mahr. Learn about your subject before you decide to condemn it.
Good
-Huge upset in Foreign language film land. I think I actually heard a monocle drop.
Good
-Kate Winslet finally won an oscar after being nominated like 50 times. Well you know what they always say, Nazi/Holocaust films aways win. I guess she gets bonus points for it also pretty much being a skin flick. Who would've thought she could pull off Nazi she-wolf so well?
Good
-Jerry Lewis is finally recognized for something outside of France. The man has been underappreciated for years. In addition to "recent revelations" that Deano was the true genius in Lewis and Martin, he was also held without cameos in both the Nutty Professor and Flubber. The man perfected the wacky scientist before it was even thought of.
Bad
-Yes, I know Peter Gabriel made a poor career choice in singing a song for Wall-E, but he should've at least sung his nominated song instead of that hack, John Legend.
Bad
-The Curious Case of Benjamin Button was both over-nominated and over-won. Over-winning for this movie includes winning anything, which I think it won one or two only. Also, did anyone see the look on David Fincher's face on the close up during hte presentation of the Director award? "So this is what happens when I take the Machete Dildos out of my movies" Advice, put them back in.
That seems like enough. No comment on the whole Pheonix saga.
--Knuttel
2.22.2009
Current Happenings of the World
What hell is happening in the 3 straight lines along the Potomac?
Hil-dawg's brand new style of Secretary of Statesmenship is interesting to say the least. On the surface it seems largely to be about image and nice formalities. While it does reach the actual people of other nations, I must wonder about the effect it has on leaders of other nations. It seems alot like the same duties she had in the years 1993-2001. Hopefully she's actually doing some policy work, or maybe that's just going to have to fall into another department's hands, much like Condi Rice held the bulk of the foreign policy duties throughout the Bush 43 years, despite not actually being Secretary of State until his re-election, when Ret. Gen. Colin Powell decided to step down from the post.
On the bright side, she could be the most fashionable Secretary of State since Henry Kissinger.
Let's hope S.o.S will not be a distress call for this administration, for it seems they already have other issues.
Obama is letting Congress run wild. More specifically, he's letting Demo(n)crats in Congress run wild.
If he is really all about bi-partisanship, he will include Republicans (and hopefully one day independents) in his law-making endeavors as more than a simple formality.
Right now we need Obama to strongarm Congress into working together and working for something that everyone can agree on, much in the way LBJ used to. People often credit JFK with the civil rights bill. Wrong. JFK was all talk about it for 3 years, then he got shot in the head. LBJ got it passed, and got Southern Congressmen to vote in favor of it.
Take Control, Barry-O, the office is your's, not Nancy Pelosi's.
Oh, and taking control is a bit more than posting on the interwebs where the money is going. A) few people will check it. B) the people that are going to be most outraged by it are likely already represented by Congressmen that voted against it.
Take a stand.
Coverage on the Oscars later tonight.
-- Knuttel
Hil-dawg's brand new style of Secretary of Statesmenship is interesting to say the least. On the surface it seems largely to be about image and nice formalities. While it does reach the actual people of other nations, I must wonder about the effect it has on leaders of other nations. It seems alot like the same duties she had in the years 1993-2001. Hopefully she's actually doing some policy work, or maybe that's just going to have to fall into another department's hands, much like Condi Rice held the bulk of the foreign policy duties throughout the Bush 43 years, despite not actually being Secretary of State until his re-election, when Ret. Gen. Colin Powell decided to step down from the post.
On the bright side, she could be the most fashionable Secretary of State since Henry Kissinger.
Let's hope S.o.S will not be a distress call for this administration, for it seems they already have other issues.
Obama is letting Congress run wild. More specifically, he's letting Demo(n)crats in Congress run wild.
If he is really all about bi-partisanship, he will include Republicans (and hopefully one day independents) in his law-making endeavors as more than a simple formality.
Right now we need Obama to strongarm Congress into working together and working for something that everyone can agree on, much in the way LBJ used to. People often credit JFK with the civil rights bill. Wrong. JFK was all talk about it for 3 years, then he got shot in the head. LBJ got it passed, and got Southern Congressmen to vote in favor of it.
Take Control, Barry-O, the office is your's, not Nancy Pelosi's.
Oh, and taking control is a bit more than posting on the interwebs where the money is going. A) few people will check it. B) the people that are going to be most outraged by it are likely already represented by Congressmen that voted against it.
Take a stand.
Coverage on the Oscars later tonight.
-- Knuttel
2.17.2009
American President Rankings
As some of you may know, C-Span just created a poll of Greatest American Presidents (of all time, presumably).
Yeah, I know most of you don't watch C-Span (oh, look at me, I have a life), but fortunately I sometimes do. Unfortunately I never really payed attention to how this poll was put together, or who was involved in creating the poll.
In any case, I set out to create my own ranking of Greatest American Presidents of All Time (yeah, see, mine is of all time). In addition, I chose to rank Grover Cleveland only once, and also include the President of the Confederacy, Jefferson Davis, and the longest serving (and really only one worth mentioning) President of the Continental Congress, John Hancock.
1.George Washington
-Created the office himself, nothing really compares.
2.Abraham Lincoln
-Kept the country together when it needed it most
3.Franklin Delano Roosevelt
-Saw the country through the Great Depression and most of World War II
4.Lyndon Baines Johnson
-Used great legislative prowess to pass civil rights legislation JFK was too much of a pussy to pass, also got congress to pass the great society somehow
5.Andrew Jackson
-Fiercely held to his beliefs, not matter the cost. only Van Buren got burned. Also the only President ever to not have ANY debt or deficit.
6.Thomas Jefferson
-Enigma of person and President, left the country better than it was. Also landed first post-revolutionary American war victory, in the Barbary Wars -- to the shores of Tripoli, bitches.
7.William Howard Taft
-No President upheld the constitution as much as he.
8.John Adams
-Didn't kill Jefferson, somehow. Carried on Washington's work.
9.Theodore Roosevelt
-First President to take on Corporations, and win.
10.Woodrow Wilson
-Continued anti-trust work of TR and Taft, also saw through WWI and tried patching back together Europe singlehandedly
11.Dick Nixon
-Another enigma of a man, did what he thought was best. Most bi-partisan President of the 20th century.
12.Harry S Truman
-Made some extremely tough decisions that hurt his short term image, but ended WWII and saw through Korea. Maybe MacArthur really was a cunt.
13.James Madison
-Perhaps more known for Secretary of State work, but started the war of 1812. Why shouldn't Canada be ours?
14.Ulysses S Grant
-Tried to continue reconstruction Lincoln's way, but got tied up in corruption and an uncooperative legislature. If he had more political experience, he would probably be higher. Could also out drink any other President, except maybe Bush 43 in his Yale days.
15.James Monroe
-Most known for his eponymous foreign policy doctrine. Was also President during the middle of the "era of good feelings"
16.Grover Cleveland
-Rough style cost him re-election before the country realized it worked, and elected him back.
17.Rutherford B Hayes
-Ended reconstruction, perhaps too soon, but the country had to be whole again sometime.
18.William McKinley
-Without him, we would not have Guantanamo bay. Also took the rest of Cuba, Puerto Rico, the Phillipines, and Spain's dignity.
19.William Jefferson Clinton
-Had the enormous benefit of an economic boom and started paying back the National debt. However, he also failed to hunt down Osama Bin Ladin, though some say a certain Senate investigation was the reason he was never caught.
20.Dwight S Eisenhower
-Without him, we wouldn't have that antiquated 50's worldwide image of America.
21.Ronald Reagan
-Only President to not fully know that he was actually the President.
22.George HW Bush
-Raised taxes after he said he wouldn't, but I still wouldn't trust Dukakis driving our nation's tanks.
23.Warren G Harding
-Singlehandedly responsible for the Warren Harding thru-hole.
24.John Fitzgerald Kennedy
-Take out the Cuban Missile Crisis, and you have a pretty piss-poor presidency. Lucky for him Kruschev got drunk enough to try it, then sober enough to realize it was dumb.
25.John Quincy Adams
-Narrowly beat Jackson for the Presidency through Congressional tiebreakers. Began setting for the modern two-party system.
26.George W Bush
-Some downs and ups that are going to take more time to fully understand. Don't think he'll be as highly regarded after the fact as Truman, but his star will eventually rise.
27.Calvin Coolidge
-Harding minus the balls (that got him killed). Quiet fellow.
28.John Hancock
-Only Continental President worth mentioning. While duties were mostly titular, oversaw the first two and a half years of the revolutionary war.
29.James K Polk
-Believer of Manifest Destiny who annexed roughly half of the current continental USA. Failure to deal with slave issue in new areas, however, costs him.
30.Gerald Ford
-Pardoned Nixon then let OPEC raise gas prices.
31.Jimmy Carter
-Let OPEC raise gas prices even more, than lost a bunch of hostages, and a puppet government, to Iran.
32.Martin Van Burn
-Tried being Jackson, but failed miserably. The Van Buren boys are not to be messed with though.
33.James A Garfield
-Only President for a few months, but received the first Presidential telephone call.
34.Benjamin Harrison
-Just a stopgap between Grovers Cleveland.
35.William Henry Harrison
-Caught Pneumonia and died roughly a month after his innauguration. Every President below him had a negative effect on the country entirely.
36.Zachary Taylor
-Refused to be nothing more than a party figurehead, unfortunately also refused to live.
37.Franklin Pierce
-Bleeding Kansas
38.Chester A Arthur
-Cog of NY Political machine.
39.Herbert Hoover
-Danced while Rome burned.
40.Millard Fillmore
-Refused to deal with slavery issue at all costs.
41.John Tyler
-So bad he was disowned by his own party. To be fair, Henry Clay was the type of asshole who would try something like that.
42.James Buchanon
-It's sad that doughface here is the only representative from Pennsylvania. Why, Science, WHY?!?!
43.Andrew Johnson
-First President to be impeached. Damnit John Wilkes Boothe, did you ever stop to think you'd be leaving us with him?
44.Jefferson Davis
-The Confederacy had a strong showing for about a year or so, but quickly faded as the war raged on. If the war lasted a few more years, maybe I'd bump him up.
And whatever happenned to Presidential facial hair? I think the last was Taft, with a moustache. Obama, it's time to start growing a Fu Man Chu. You owe the public at least a soul patch.
-- Knuttel
Yeah, I know most of you don't watch C-Span (oh, look at me, I have a life), but fortunately I sometimes do. Unfortunately I never really payed attention to how this poll was put together, or who was involved in creating the poll.
In any case, I set out to create my own ranking of Greatest American Presidents of All Time (yeah, see, mine is of all time). In addition, I chose to rank Grover Cleveland only once, and also include the President of the Confederacy, Jefferson Davis, and the longest serving (and really only one worth mentioning) President of the Continental Congress, John Hancock.
1.George Washington
-Created the office himself, nothing really compares.
2.Abraham Lincoln
-Kept the country together when it needed it most
3.Franklin Delano Roosevelt
-Saw the country through the Great Depression and most of World War II
4.Lyndon Baines Johnson
-Used great legislative prowess to pass civil rights legislation JFK was too much of a pussy to pass, also got congress to pass the great society somehow
5.Andrew Jackson
-Fiercely held to his beliefs, not matter the cost. only Van Buren got burned. Also the only President ever to not have ANY debt or deficit.
6.Thomas Jefferson
-Enigma of person and President, left the country better than it was. Also landed first post-revolutionary American war victory, in the Barbary Wars -- to the shores of Tripoli, bitches.
7.William Howard Taft
-No President upheld the constitution as much as he.
8.John Adams
-Didn't kill Jefferson, somehow. Carried on Washington's work.
9.Theodore Roosevelt
-First President to take on Corporations, and win.
10.Woodrow Wilson
-Continued anti-trust work of TR and Taft, also saw through WWI and tried patching back together Europe singlehandedly
11.Dick Nixon
-Another enigma of a man, did what he thought was best. Most bi-partisan President of the 20th century.
12.Harry S Truman
-Made some extremely tough decisions that hurt his short term image, but ended WWII and saw through Korea. Maybe MacArthur really was a cunt.
13.James Madison
-Perhaps more known for Secretary of State work, but started the war of 1812. Why shouldn't Canada be ours?
14.Ulysses S Grant
-Tried to continue reconstruction Lincoln's way, but got tied up in corruption and an uncooperative legislature. If he had more political experience, he would probably be higher. Could also out drink any other President, except maybe Bush 43 in his Yale days.
15.James Monroe
-Most known for his eponymous foreign policy doctrine. Was also President during the middle of the "era of good feelings"
16.Grover Cleveland
-Rough style cost him re-election before the country realized it worked, and elected him back.
17.Rutherford B Hayes
-Ended reconstruction, perhaps too soon, but the country had to be whole again sometime.
18.William McKinley
-Without him, we would not have Guantanamo bay. Also took the rest of Cuba, Puerto Rico, the Phillipines, and Spain's dignity.
19.William Jefferson Clinton
-Had the enormous benefit of an economic boom and started paying back the National debt. However, he also failed to hunt down Osama Bin Ladin, though some say a certain Senate investigation was the reason he was never caught.
20.Dwight S Eisenhower
-Without him, we wouldn't have that antiquated 50's worldwide image of America.
21.Ronald Reagan
-Only President to not fully know that he was actually the President.
22.George HW Bush
-Raised taxes after he said he wouldn't, but I still wouldn't trust Dukakis driving our nation's tanks.
23.Warren G Harding
-Singlehandedly responsible for the Warren Harding thru-hole.
24.John Fitzgerald Kennedy
-Take out the Cuban Missile Crisis, and you have a pretty piss-poor presidency. Lucky for him Kruschev got drunk enough to try it, then sober enough to realize it was dumb.
25.John Quincy Adams
-Narrowly beat Jackson for the Presidency through Congressional tiebreakers. Began setting for the modern two-party system.
26.George W Bush
-Some downs and ups that are going to take more time to fully understand. Don't think he'll be as highly regarded after the fact as Truman, but his star will eventually rise.
27.Calvin Coolidge
-Harding minus the balls (that got him killed). Quiet fellow.
28.John Hancock
-Only Continental President worth mentioning. While duties were mostly titular, oversaw the first two and a half years of the revolutionary war.
29.James K Polk
-Believer of Manifest Destiny who annexed roughly half of the current continental USA. Failure to deal with slave issue in new areas, however, costs him.
30.Gerald Ford
-Pardoned Nixon then let OPEC raise gas prices.
31.Jimmy Carter
-Let OPEC raise gas prices even more, than lost a bunch of hostages, and a puppet government, to Iran.
32.Martin Van Burn
-Tried being Jackson, but failed miserably. The Van Buren boys are not to be messed with though.
33.James A Garfield
-Only President for a few months, but received the first Presidential telephone call.
34.Benjamin Harrison
-Just a stopgap between Grovers Cleveland.
35.William Henry Harrison
-Caught Pneumonia and died roughly a month after his innauguration. Every President below him had a negative effect on the country entirely.
36.Zachary Taylor
-Refused to be nothing more than a party figurehead, unfortunately also refused to live.
37.Franklin Pierce
-Bleeding Kansas
38.Chester A Arthur
-Cog of NY Political machine.
39.Herbert Hoover
-Danced while Rome burned.
40.Millard Fillmore
-Refused to deal with slavery issue at all costs.
41.John Tyler
-So bad he was disowned by his own party. To be fair, Henry Clay was the type of asshole who would try something like that.
42.James Buchanon
-It's sad that doughface here is the only representative from Pennsylvania. Why, Science, WHY?!?!
43.Andrew Johnson
-First President to be impeached. Damnit John Wilkes Boothe, did you ever stop to think you'd be leaving us with him?
44.Jefferson Davis
-The Confederacy had a strong showing for about a year or so, but quickly faded as the war raged on. If the war lasted a few more years, maybe I'd bump him up.
And whatever happenned to Presidential facial hair? I think the last was Taft, with a moustache. Obama, it's time to start growing a Fu Man Chu. You owe the public at least a soul patch.
-- Knuttel
2.11.2009
Breaking News: Coldplay Sucks More Than We Thought
Apparently Coldplay doesn't even bother to write it's own hit singles anymore.
Yes, that's right, the horribly anti-climactic "Viva la Vida" has been plagiarized from a work done by the great Joe Satriani.
Yes, the Joe Satriani.
While his music has never been very popular in anything remotely mainstream, he has long been a favorite of many musicians, rooted in solid fundamentals and ridiculously technical performances.
He has also been the teacher to just about every relevant guitarist of the past 25 years.
-Kirk Hammet (Metallica)
-Larry "Ler" LaLonde (Primus)
-Steve Vai (solo, David Lee Roth, Frank Zappa)
-Marty Friedman (Megadeth)
-Alex Skolnick (Testament)
-Kevin Cadogan (3rd Eye Blind)
-Rick Hunolt (Exodus)
Plus, he pretty much thinks he's the Silver Surfer; therefore his awesomeness should not be questioned.
The track that Coldplay stole is off Satriani's 2004 Album, Is There Love in Space?, and is called "If I Could Fly".
It's not really enough that they stole one part of the song, which is often passable. They stole the progression and lead from both the verse and the chorus. Just replace Satch's guitar with Chris Martin's whiny vocals.
I could go on and on and on about this, but I'll just show the evidence instead.
Fuck You, Chris Martin
Stop Killing Music
-- Knuttel
Yes, that's right, the horribly anti-climactic "Viva la Vida" has been plagiarized from a work done by the great Joe Satriani.
Yes, the Joe Satriani.
While his music has never been very popular in anything remotely mainstream, he has long been a favorite of many musicians, rooted in solid fundamentals and ridiculously technical performances.
He has also been the teacher to just about every relevant guitarist of the past 25 years.
-Kirk Hammet (Metallica)
-Larry "Ler" LaLonde (Primus)
-Steve Vai (solo, David Lee Roth, Frank Zappa)
-Marty Friedman (Megadeth)
-Alex Skolnick (Testament)
-Kevin Cadogan (3rd Eye Blind)
-Rick Hunolt (Exodus)
Plus, he pretty much thinks he's the Silver Surfer; therefore his awesomeness should not be questioned.
The track that Coldplay stole is off Satriani's 2004 Album, Is There Love in Space?, and is called "If I Could Fly".
It's not really enough that they stole one part of the song, which is often passable. They stole the progression and lead from both the verse and the chorus. Just replace Satch's guitar with Chris Martin's whiny vocals.
I could go on and on and on about this, but I'll just show the evidence instead.
Fuck You, Chris Martin
Stop Killing Music
-- Knuttel
More grammy news
CHRIS BROWN BEAT RIHANNA
or so I've been told ...
actually ... they both lost ... to Robert Plant and Alison Kraus for best pop collaboration with vocals. Chris Brown collaborated with Jordin Sparks, Rihanna with Maroon 5.
Oh, but Chris Brown still beat Rihanna.
And what is up with the stimulus bill?
Did Obama seriously think that handing a blank sheet of paper to Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid equals bipartisanship?
His cabinet may be bipartisan, but he's gonna have to learn how to make his legislation more bipartisan. After all, history is going to remember what his legislation and policies were, not how many Republicans held prominent secretary positions -- We remember Bush as sending Colin Powell to the UN to make an ass of himself with faulty intelligence, not Bush as selecting Colin Powell in the first place.
This looks like it's going to be a little shakier than perhaps it should be, but hopefully he eventually finds his bearings.
Hope can die easily.
-- Knuttel
or so I've been told ...
actually ... they both lost ... to Robert Plant and Alison Kraus for best pop collaboration with vocals. Chris Brown collaborated with Jordin Sparks, Rihanna with Maroon 5.
Oh, but Chris Brown still beat Rihanna.
And what is up with the stimulus bill?
Did Obama seriously think that handing a blank sheet of paper to Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid equals bipartisanship?
His cabinet may be bipartisan, but he's gonna have to learn how to make his legislation more bipartisan. After all, history is going to remember what his legislation and policies were, not how many Republicans held prominent secretary positions -- We remember Bush as sending Colin Powell to the UN to make an ass of himself with faulty intelligence, not Bush as selecting Colin Powell in the first place.
This looks like it's going to be a little shakier than perhaps it should be, but hopefully he eventually finds his bearings.
Hope can die easily.
-- Knuttel
2.09.2009
The Knuttel's take on the Grammies
Yes, the greatest show in award season finally arrived and told us all what we should have been listening to for the past year, per the requests of the record labels.
Seriously though, the grammies are single-handedly the most corrupt and therefore least trustworthy of all the award shows. It is the largest "pat yourself on the back" show of the entire award season. If I wanted to watch something give themselves a huge blowjob, I'd take a few yoga classes and then videotape myself.
Anyways, I shall do a rundown of every single award, maybe.
Album of the Year: Raising Sand - Robert Plant and Alison Krauss
-Hey, look everyone! Robert Plant is still making music! Maybe if we give him an award he'll get Led Zeppelin back together. Who's gonna bring back John Bonham? Or are we just gonna use his son again?
Rap Album: Tha Carter III - Lil Wayne
-With all the hype his formulaic Family Guy Simile lyrics have gotten him over the past few years, he had to get it.
Male Pop Vocal Performance: Say - John Mayer
-He's like the next Eric Clapton! Except instead of Eric Clapton circa 1966-1975, he's more Eric Clapton circa 1992-now. Notice that includes that song from Jerry MacGuire that doesn't really use lyrics, but rather clipped dialogue from the movie.
Record of the Year: Please Read The Letter - Robert Plant and Alison Krauss
-2 awards for Robert Plant, surely he must bring the Led out again!
New Artist: Adele
-White soul singer beats out the J Bros. Well, at least they can still win once they go solo.
Rock Album: Viva La Vida Or Death And All His Friends - Coldplay
-Coldplay, what the hell happenned to you? Those first two albums were amazing, if not at least above average, and ever since then (I'm gonna blame Gwynneth Paltrow), you've become completely hollow epic crap. Good thing the Grammies love stuff that sounds like it could be meaningful.
Pop Collaboration With Vocals: Rich Woman - Robert Plant and Alison Krauss
-Robert Plant again.
Song of the Year: Viva La Vida - Coldplay
-I seriously have a huge problem with this song. This song is the definition of anti-climacticism. It has such a huge build-up and then IT NEVER GOES ANYWHERE. I never thought I could get blue balls from a song, but I have a feeling this one could.
Also running for this award was the most pathetic attempt at music I've ever seen, in the form of Jason Mraz. Bastardizing everything he touches, most likely unintentionally, but if this happens to be intentional, then -- my god, what a supervillain we have on our hands.
R&B Album: Jennifer Hudson - Jennifer Hudson
-OMG, like her family totally died last year. Let's give her an award so she'll feel better.
ok, not to feel like a totally awful person, I'll stop that there. But seriously, I watched the Puppy Bowl national anthem over hers, then again I watched the entire Puppy Bowl over the entire super bowl. hmmmm.
Producer of the Year, Non-Classical: Rick Rubin
-Dude, he's like totally responsible for Metallica's revival as a REAL METAL BAND. Not a bad argument on the surface, except anything redeemable from that album sounds a bit too much like either Slayer or the Sword. Wait, Slayer, who produced most of Slayer's albums, ... oh yeah ... it was Rick Rubin! Rick Rubin's inability to determine when songs are different strikes again (see Dani California - red hot chili peppers ; Last Dance With Mary Jane - Tom Petty)
Producer of the Year, Classical: David Frost
-I feel as though his last name should be Pendergrast. Don't ask why. Frost seems boring. Pendergrast is boring, but at least seems otherwise.
Female Pop Vocal Performance: Chasing Pavements - Adele
-Just sounds like a trainwreck. It's probably alot like that scottish chick from a few years ago that played something barely resembling early bluesish music while being like a one man band, so people thought it was new and inventive, when it just sucked.
Pop Vocal Album: Rockferry - Duffy
-She's English so she must be good at music. Oh, and her name resembles that of Hilary Duff. Bonus points. Let's give her an award.
Pop Instrumental Performance: I Dreamed There Was No War - Eagles
-I was unaware the Eagles were still making music. I'll have to file this under the Jethro Tull getting the metal grammy file (contrary to popular belief, Jethro Tull is metal, they just weren't relevant for about 10 years).
Pop Instrumental Album: Jingle All the Way - Bela Fleck & The Flecktones
-Bela Fleck, Victor Wooten, and Futureman plus the title of the greatest holiday movie ever? SCORE
Pop Performance by a Duo or Group with Vocals: Viva La Vida - Coldplay
-Like I said before. This song is the definition of anti-climactic. While these guys were never really that poignant, they now have about the same poignancy as Zack Braf. That's right -- none.
Alternative Music Album: In Rainbows - Radiohead
-A mediocre album made by an awesome band running against a weak field. While I don't find it deserving, the others were far less deserving.
Solo Rock Vocal Performance: Gravity - John Mayer
-Solo Rock Vocal. Two of those words I could use to describe John Mayer. One of them I most certainly could not. Take a wild guess which one. Oh, I know. It's solo, cos he has a backing band! no comment.
side comment -- beat out four men clearly living on their past identities and successes. Funny part is I'd consider them all rock. -- Bruce, Eddie vedder, Neil Young, and Paul playing an old Beatles song (presumably without even Ringo).
Rock Performance by a Duo or Group with Vocals: Sex on Fire - Kings of Leon
-Anonymous Indy act beats out AC/DC and the Eagles to prove the grammies are edgy. Bonus points for beating Coldplay's other song and and Radiohead? no. you can't fool me grammies.
Hard Rock Performance: Wax Simulacra - The Mars Volta
-Hard Rock Performance officially means -- how much feedback can you incorporate into a song, mainting that it stays out of key, and still plan on calling it music.
Metal Performance: My Apocalypse - Metallica
-Metallica quickly became irrelevant once they began playing rock instead of metal (though they continued to win metal grammies, cos c'mon, they're metallica) so they decide to simply steal the sounds from metal bands which have been relavent since the release of St. Anger. To those who only listen to Metallica, it sounds awesome and original and like Metallica is back in the game. To everyone else, we just nod our heads in dissappointment. How did Cliff's death seriously hurt the band that much? I mean Jason Newstead and Rob Trujillo are good bassists? Why the hell isn't it working?
Rock Instrumental Performance: Peaches En Regalia - Zappa Plays Zappa
-Ah the Zappa family. When in doubt, give the award to whatever you don't understand.
Rock Song: Girls in Their Summer Clothes - Bruce Springsteen
-While I'm not saying Bruce is washed up (far from it actually), clearly his best songwriting days are behind him. Surely there must be some other band to whom we can give this award to. No, we can't even completely fill out the ballot? Hmmm, I geuss we can fill death cab for cutie onto the ballot, make it look nice and full.
Rap Solo Performance: A Milli - Lil Wayne
-seriously a week field this year.
Rap Performance by a Duo or Group: Swagga Like Us - Jay-Z and T.I. featuring Kanye West and Lil Wayne
-Jay-Z, Kanye, AND Lil Wayne? How could we say no?!
Rap/Sung Collaboration: American Boy - Estelle featuring Kanye West
-Kanye is still gonna find a way to complain about not getting enough respect for his work.
Rap Song: Lollipop - Dwayne Carter, Darius Harrison, James Scheffer, Stephen Garrett and Rex Zamor,
-I refuse to recognize this song as existing, so there was no award given out for rap song.
Dance Recording: Harder Better Faster Stronger - Daft Punk
Electronic Dance Album: Alive 2007 - Daft Punk
-Finally the grammies get it right. Score one for Robot Kind. (there's no sarcasm there whatsoever, Daft Punk is the shit).
Traditional Blues Album: One Kind Favor - B.B. King
-Hey look, BB King put something out, let's give him an award.
Contemporary Blues Album: City That Care Forgot - Dr. John and The Lower 911
-Why didn't John Mayer win?
Contemporary Jazz Album: Randy in Brasil - Randy Brecker
-The Brecker brothers actually aren't that bad, but there's not much to say awesomely about them either.
Jazz Vocal Album: Loverly - Cassandra Wilson
-Hah, Jazz Vocals. Wait, seriously? Jazz doen't have vocals, except maybe scat (yeah, that's right, "what a wonderful world" isn't jazz, woah, I just blew your mind because I halved your knowledge of jazz.)
Jazz Instrumental Solo: BE-BOP - Terence Blanchard
-so in other words, best Jazz.
Jazz Instrumental Album Individual or Group: The New Crystal Silence - Chick Corea and Gary Burton
-I'm curious to know what this has to do with Scientology.
Large Jazz Ensemble Album: Monday Night Live at the Village Vanguard - The Vanguard Jazz Orchestra
-I'm assumming Monday Night Live is like Monday Night Football for jazz freaks.
Traditional Folk Album: At 89 - Pete Seeger
-Not actually Bob Seger's dad (see, last name spelled differently) but he's still pretty damn old. Old people deserve awards.
Contemporary Folk/Americana Album: Raising Sand - Robert Plant and Alison Krauss (Rounder)
-Seriously, when you guys going on tour?
Native American Music Album: Come to Me Great Mystery: Native American Healing Songs - Various Artists)
-Best pan flute solo of the year. keeps the guinea pigs away.
Hawaiian Music Album: Ikena - Tia Carrere and Daniel Ho
-Holy Shit, the hot asian chick from Wayne's World made an album? (yes, that actually is her)
Zydeco or Cajun Music Album - Live at the 2008 New Orleans Jazz & Heritage Festival - BeauSoleil and Michael Doucet
-Best Zydeco album has to be a live thing at a huge ass impersonal festival?
Engineering Album, Classical: Traditions and Transformations: Sounds of Silk Road Chicago - David Frost, Tom Lazarus and Christopher Willis
-I have no idea what any of that means.
Reggae Album: Jah Is Real - Burning Spear
-Wait, why can't Jason Mraz win this?
Traditional World Music Album: Ilembe: Honoring Shaka Zulu - Ladysmith Black Mambazo
-I have no ill towards Ladysmith Black Mambazo at all. In addition to having the most awesome AND most badass name ever, they pretty much inspired the intro to that one song from the Lion King soundtrack, and we all know how much those 45 seconds rocl.
Contemporary World Music Album: Global Drum Project - Mickey Hart, Zakir Hussain, Sikiru Adepoju and Giovanni Hidalgo
-Global Drum Project? That name wreaks of drum circle-isms. Damnit, why did hippies have to get old enough to give themselves awards? We all know there's only one thing a group of people should do in a circle, and it aint playing the drums.
Compilation Soundtrack Album for Motion Picture, Television or Other Visual Media: Juno - Various Artists
-Wasn't this movie from like more than a year ago? Oh well, at least Mamma Mia! and Sweeney Todd lost. My god the music from those two movies was awful. Pierce Brosnan should never be allowed to sing ever, and Tim Burton should never be allowed to direct a musical again ever. ... wait. make that Tim Burton should never be allowed to direct again.
Score Soundtrack Album for Motion Television or Other Visual Media: The Dark Knight
-Good soundtrack, so I can't really complain. Just thought the soundtracks of Iron Man and There Will Be Blood were better.
Polka Album: Let the Whole World Sing - Jimmy Sturr and His Orchestra
-The music community needs more songs in 2/4 time. seriously.
Classical Album: Weill: Rise and Fall of the City of Mahagonny - James Conlon, conductor
uhhh ok
Song Written for Motion Picture, Television or Other Visual Media: Down to Earth - WALL-E - Peter Gabriel and Thomas Newman, Musical Show Album: In the Heights - Kurt Deutsch, Alex Lacamoire, Andres Levin, Lin-Manuel Miranda, Joel Moss and Bill Sherman, producers; Lin-Manuel Miranda, composer/lyricist
-Just cos the movie sucked doesn't mean you have to drag everyone else into it.
Spoken Word Album (Includes Poetry, Audio Books & Story Telling): An Inconvenient Truth (Al Gore) - Beau Bridges, Cynthia Nixon and Blair Underwood
-Will this thing ever stop getting awards? The funny part -- Al Gore is never gonna get the award he really wants, being the President ...
Musical Album for Children: Here Come the 123s - They Might Be Giants
-So They Might Be Giants is running for an award in a field where they're virtually uncontested? Can't we just give them the award like now?
Spoken Word Album Children: Yes to Running! Bill Harley Live - Bill Harley
-Sadly, for the past 40 years the award went to "nobody defeats the Grimace"
Comedy Album: It's Bad for Ya - George Carlin
-Posthumous award. Need I say more.
Instrumental Composition: The Adventures of Mutt - Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - John Williams
-This movie should have been inelgible from winning any awards in anything, cos it failed at life.
Instrumental Arrangement: Define Dancing - WALL-E Peter Gabriel and Thomas Newman
-Wait, Peter Gabriel agreed to work on the suck fest that was WALL-E? Everything I know about Genesis (both the band and the book) is now questioned. I might have to call the sledgehammer.
Instrumental Arrangement Accompanying Vocalist(s): Here's That Rainy Day, Nan Schwartz
-pat on the back
Engineered Album, Non-Classical: Consolers of the Lonely - Joe Chiccarelli, Vance Powell and Jack White III, engineers
-Why is Jack White still making music? Am I really the only one questioning this? And how is it a supergroup if Jack White is the only one who was in a "super" band beforehand? The rest were either Detroit celebrities among white people or bottom rung indy performers.
Remixed Recording: Electric Feel (Justice Remix) - Justice
-Congratulations. You just got an award for doing what teenagers do to internet memes on youtube and ytmnd.
Surround Sound Album: Mussorgsky: Pictures at an Exhibition; Night on Bald Mountain; Prelude to Khovanshchina - Michael Bishop
-I'm gonna pretend to be offended by that album title.
Opera Recording: Weill: Rise and Fall of the City of Mahagonny - James Conlon, conductor
-Where is this city of Mahogonny? Did it burn? Can I burn it?
Orchestral Performance: Shostakovich: Symphony No. 4 - Bernard Haitink, conductor Chicago Symphony Orchestra
-BEST COVER BAND EVER!!!!
Classical Vocal Performance: Corigliano: Mr. Tambourine Man: Seven Poems of Bob Dylan - Hila Plitmann
-Bob Dylan is classical music now?
Classical Contemporary Composition: Mr. Tambourine Man: Seven Poems of Bob Dylan, - John Corigliano
-Since when? This kind of confuses me.
Short Form Music Video: Pork and Beans - Weezer, Mathew Cullen,
-Actually wasn't a bad video, considering the song sucked. Well it was Weezer, what did you expect? Actually, I just like the fact that it featured Tay Zonday. Now, if they could just get Tay Zonday to replace Rivers Cuomo, wow, I think i just fixed Weezer.
Long Form Music Video: Runnin' Down a Dream - Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers
-Isn't this song from, like, the 80's? Is this like a 20th anniversary video award? Did it take them 20 years to create a supplemental video for the song?
Recording Package: Death Magnetic - Bruce Duckworth, Sarah Moffat and David Turner
-Why couldn't Napster design the album cover?
Boxed or Special Limited Edition Package: "In Rainbows - Stanley Donwood, Mel Maxwell and Christiaan Munro
-Actually this works, really well. It was entirely innovative, and it actually fits under both boxed and special limited edition package.
Album Notes: Kind of Blue: 50th Anniversary Collector's Edition - Francis Davis
-Giving a grammy to an album everyone should already have from 50 years ago? Come on grammies. Put some effor into it.
Historical Album: Art of Field Recording Volume I: Fifty Years of Traditional American Music Documented by Art Rosenbaum - Steven Lance Ledbetter and Art Rosenbaum, compilation producers
-Really? Like you couldn't give it to an album that you've forgotten and skipped over in the name of pleasing the record exec gods? Oh right, this is another way to please those very record exec gods.
And this is why the grammies are magical. They always find a way to screw it up. Oh, and don't think I actually watched them. No, I could never do that. I accidentally walked into the presentation for Best Song and had to try to make sure my dry heaves remained dry. No, I just pulled these awards off the internet from a news site, so if its screwed up, its their fault, not mine -- and no, I did not use wikipedia. I also cut out a bunch of awards, cos Latin has its own Latin grammies, Country is its own predetermined music machine, and I frankly think all modern R&B sounds the same.
Oh, and Best Heavy Metal Record Should have went to The Sword for Gods of the Earth. Or if it just goes out for singular songs, "Fire Lances of the Hyperzephyrians" video below.
--Knuttel
Seriously though, the grammies are single-handedly the most corrupt and therefore least trustworthy of all the award shows. It is the largest "pat yourself on the back" show of the entire award season. If I wanted to watch something give themselves a huge blowjob, I'd take a few yoga classes and then videotape myself.
Anyways, I shall do a rundown of every single award, maybe.
Album of the Year: Raising Sand - Robert Plant and Alison Krauss
-Hey, look everyone! Robert Plant is still making music! Maybe if we give him an award he'll get Led Zeppelin back together. Who's gonna bring back John Bonham? Or are we just gonna use his son again?
Rap Album: Tha Carter III - Lil Wayne
-With all the hype his formulaic Family Guy Simile lyrics have gotten him over the past few years, he had to get it.
Male Pop Vocal Performance: Say - John Mayer
-He's like the next Eric Clapton! Except instead of Eric Clapton circa 1966-1975, he's more Eric Clapton circa 1992-now. Notice that includes that song from Jerry MacGuire that doesn't really use lyrics, but rather clipped dialogue from the movie.
Record of the Year: Please Read The Letter - Robert Plant and Alison Krauss
-2 awards for Robert Plant, surely he must bring the Led out again!
New Artist: Adele
-White soul singer beats out the J Bros. Well, at least they can still win once they go solo.
Rock Album: Viva La Vida Or Death And All His Friends - Coldplay
-Coldplay, what the hell happenned to you? Those first two albums were amazing, if not at least above average, and ever since then (I'm gonna blame Gwynneth Paltrow), you've become completely hollow epic crap. Good thing the Grammies love stuff that sounds like it could be meaningful.
Pop Collaboration With Vocals: Rich Woman - Robert Plant and Alison Krauss
-Robert Plant again.
Song of the Year: Viva La Vida - Coldplay
-I seriously have a huge problem with this song. This song is the definition of anti-climacticism. It has such a huge build-up and then IT NEVER GOES ANYWHERE. I never thought I could get blue balls from a song, but I have a feeling this one could.
Also running for this award was the most pathetic attempt at music I've ever seen, in the form of Jason Mraz. Bastardizing everything he touches, most likely unintentionally, but if this happens to be intentional, then -- my god, what a supervillain we have on our hands.
R&B Album: Jennifer Hudson - Jennifer Hudson
-OMG, like her family totally died last year. Let's give her an award so she'll feel better.
ok, not to feel like a totally awful person, I'll stop that there. But seriously, I watched the Puppy Bowl national anthem over hers, then again I watched the entire Puppy Bowl over the entire super bowl. hmmmm.
Producer of the Year, Non-Classical: Rick Rubin
-Dude, he's like totally responsible for Metallica's revival as a REAL METAL BAND. Not a bad argument on the surface, except anything redeemable from that album sounds a bit too much like either Slayer or the Sword. Wait, Slayer, who produced most of Slayer's albums, ... oh yeah ... it was Rick Rubin! Rick Rubin's inability to determine when songs are different strikes again (see Dani California - red hot chili peppers ; Last Dance With Mary Jane - Tom Petty)
Producer of the Year, Classical: David Frost
-I feel as though his last name should be Pendergrast. Don't ask why. Frost seems boring. Pendergrast is boring, but at least seems otherwise.
Female Pop Vocal Performance: Chasing Pavements - Adele
-Just sounds like a trainwreck. It's probably alot like that scottish chick from a few years ago that played something barely resembling early bluesish music while being like a one man band, so people thought it was new and inventive, when it just sucked.
Pop Vocal Album: Rockferry - Duffy
-She's English so she must be good at music. Oh, and her name resembles that of Hilary Duff. Bonus points. Let's give her an award.
Pop Instrumental Performance: I Dreamed There Was No War - Eagles
-I was unaware the Eagles were still making music. I'll have to file this under the Jethro Tull getting the metal grammy file (contrary to popular belief, Jethro Tull is metal, they just weren't relevant for about 10 years).
Pop Instrumental Album: Jingle All the Way - Bela Fleck & The Flecktones
-Bela Fleck, Victor Wooten, and Futureman plus the title of the greatest holiday movie ever? SCORE
Pop Performance by a Duo or Group with Vocals: Viva La Vida - Coldplay
-Like I said before. This song is the definition of anti-climactic. While these guys were never really that poignant, they now have about the same poignancy as Zack Braf. That's right -- none.
Alternative Music Album: In Rainbows - Radiohead
-A mediocre album made by an awesome band running against a weak field. While I don't find it deserving, the others were far less deserving.
Solo Rock Vocal Performance: Gravity - John Mayer
-Solo Rock Vocal. Two of those words I could use to describe John Mayer. One of them I most certainly could not. Take a wild guess which one. Oh, I know. It's solo, cos he has a backing band! no comment.
side comment -- beat out four men clearly living on their past identities and successes. Funny part is I'd consider them all rock. -- Bruce, Eddie vedder, Neil Young, and Paul playing an old Beatles song (presumably without even Ringo).
Rock Performance by a Duo or Group with Vocals: Sex on Fire - Kings of Leon
-Anonymous Indy act beats out AC/DC and the Eagles to prove the grammies are edgy. Bonus points for beating Coldplay's other song and and Radiohead? no. you can't fool me grammies.
Hard Rock Performance: Wax Simulacra - The Mars Volta
-Hard Rock Performance officially means -- how much feedback can you incorporate into a song, mainting that it stays out of key, and still plan on calling it music.
Metal Performance: My Apocalypse - Metallica
-Metallica quickly became irrelevant once they began playing rock instead of metal (though they continued to win metal grammies, cos c'mon, they're metallica) so they decide to simply steal the sounds from metal bands which have been relavent since the release of St. Anger. To those who only listen to Metallica, it sounds awesome and original and like Metallica is back in the game. To everyone else, we just nod our heads in dissappointment. How did Cliff's death seriously hurt the band that much? I mean Jason Newstead and Rob Trujillo are good bassists? Why the hell isn't it working?
Rock Instrumental Performance: Peaches En Regalia - Zappa Plays Zappa
-Ah the Zappa family. When in doubt, give the award to whatever you don't understand.
Rock Song: Girls in Their Summer Clothes - Bruce Springsteen
-While I'm not saying Bruce is washed up (far from it actually), clearly his best songwriting days are behind him. Surely there must be some other band to whom we can give this award to. No, we can't even completely fill out the ballot? Hmmm, I geuss we can fill death cab for cutie onto the ballot, make it look nice and full.
Rap Solo Performance: A Milli - Lil Wayne
-seriously a week field this year.
Rap Performance by a Duo or Group: Swagga Like Us - Jay-Z and T.I. featuring Kanye West and Lil Wayne
-Jay-Z, Kanye, AND Lil Wayne? How could we say no?!
Rap/Sung Collaboration: American Boy - Estelle featuring Kanye West
-Kanye is still gonna find a way to complain about not getting enough respect for his work.
Rap Song: Lollipop - Dwayne Carter, Darius Harrison, James Scheffer, Stephen Garrett and Rex Zamor,
-I refuse to recognize this song as existing, so there was no award given out for rap song.
Dance Recording: Harder Better Faster Stronger - Daft Punk
Electronic Dance Album: Alive 2007 - Daft Punk
-Finally the grammies get it right. Score one for Robot Kind. (there's no sarcasm there whatsoever, Daft Punk is the shit).
Traditional Blues Album: One Kind Favor - B.B. King
-Hey look, BB King put something out, let's give him an award.
Contemporary Blues Album: City That Care Forgot - Dr. John and The Lower 911
-Why didn't John Mayer win?
Contemporary Jazz Album: Randy in Brasil - Randy Brecker
-The Brecker brothers actually aren't that bad, but there's not much to say awesomely about them either.
Jazz Vocal Album: Loverly - Cassandra Wilson
-Hah, Jazz Vocals. Wait, seriously? Jazz doen't have vocals, except maybe scat (yeah, that's right, "what a wonderful world" isn't jazz, woah, I just blew your mind because I halved your knowledge of jazz.)
Jazz Instrumental Solo: BE-BOP - Terence Blanchard
-so in other words, best Jazz.
Jazz Instrumental Album Individual or Group: The New Crystal Silence - Chick Corea and Gary Burton
-I'm curious to know what this has to do with Scientology.
Large Jazz Ensemble Album: Monday Night Live at the Village Vanguard - The Vanguard Jazz Orchestra
-I'm assumming Monday Night Live is like Monday Night Football for jazz freaks.
Traditional Folk Album: At 89 - Pete Seeger
-Not actually Bob Seger's dad (see, last name spelled differently) but he's still pretty damn old. Old people deserve awards.
Contemporary Folk/Americana Album: Raising Sand - Robert Plant and Alison Krauss (Rounder)
-Seriously, when you guys going on tour?
Native American Music Album: Come to Me Great Mystery: Native American Healing Songs - Various Artists)
-Best pan flute solo of the year. keeps the guinea pigs away.
Hawaiian Music Album: Ikena - Tia Carrere and Daniel Ho
-Holy Shit, the hot asian chick from Wayne's World made an album? (yes, that actually is her)
Zydeco or Cajun Music Album - Live at the 2008 New Orleans Jazz & Heritage Festival - BeauSoleil and Michael Doucet
-Best Zydeco album has to be a live thing at a huge ass impersonal festival?
Engineering Album, Classical: Traditions and Transformations: Sounds of Silk Road Chicago - David Frost, Tom Lazarus and Christopher Willis
-I have no idea what any of that means.
Reggae Album: Jah Is Real - Burning Spear
-Wait, why can't Jason Mraz win this?
Traditional World Music Album: Ilembe: Honoring Shaka Zulu - Ladysmith Black Mambazo
-I have no ill towards Ladysmith Black Mambazo at all. In addition to having the most awesome AND most badass name ever, they pretty much inspired the intro to that one song from the Lion King soundtrack, and we all know how much those 45 seconds rocl.
Contemporary World Music Album: Global Drum Project - Mickey Hart, Zakir Hussain, Sikiru Adepoju and Giovanni Hidalgo
-Global Drum Project? That name wreaks of drum circle-isms. Damnit, why did hippies have to get old enough to give themselves awards? We all know there's only one thing a group of people should do in a circle, and it aint playing the drums.
Compilation Soundtrack Album for Motion Picture, Television or Other Visual Media: Juno - Various Artists
-Wasn't this movie from like more than a year ago? Oh well, at least Mamma Mia! and Sweeney Todd lost. My god the music from those two movies was awful. Pierce Brosnan should never be allowed to sing ever, and Tim Burton should never be allowed to direct a musical again ever. ... wait. make that Tim Burton should never be allowed to direct again.
Score Soundtrack Album for Motion Television or Other Visual Media: The Dark Knight
-Good soundtrack, so I can't really complain. Just thought the soundtracks of Iron Man and There Will Be Blood were better.
Polka Album: Let the Whole World Sing - Jimmy Sturr and His Orchestra
-The music community needs more songs in 2/4 time. seriously.
Classical Album: Weill: Rise and Fall of the City of Mahagonny - James Conlon, conductor
uhhh ok
Song Written for Motion Picture, Television or Other Visual Media: Down to Earth - WALL-E - Peter Gabriel and Thomas Newman, Musical Show Album: In the Heights - Kurt Deutsch, Alex Lacamoire, Andres Levin, Lin-Manuel Miranda, Joel Moss and Bill Sherman, producers; Lin-Manuel Miranda, composer/lyricist
-Just cos the movie sucked doesn't mean you have to drag everyone else into it.
Spoken Word Album (Includes Poetry, Audio Books & Story Telling): An Inconvenient Truth (Al Gore) - Beau Bridges, Cynthia Nixon and Blair Underwood
-Will this thing ever stop getting awards? The funny part -- Al Gore is never gonna get the award he really wants, being the President ...
Musical Album for Children: Here Come the 123s - They Might Be Giants
-So They Might Be Giants is running for an award in a field where they're virtually uncontested? Can't we just give them the award like now?
Spoken Word Album Children: Yes to Running! Bill Harley Live - Bill Harley
-Sadly, for the past 40 years the award went to "nobody defeats the Grimace"
Comedy Album: It's Bad for Ya - George Carlin
-Posthumous award. Need I say more.
Instrumental Composition: The Adventures of Mutt - Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - John Williams
-This movie should have been inelgible from winning any awards in anything, cos it failed at life.
Instrumental Arrangement: Define Dancing - WALL-E Peter Gabriel and Thomas Newman
-Wait, Peter Gabriel agreed to work on the suck fest that was WALL-E? Everything I know about Genesis (both the band and the book) is now questioned. I might have to call the sledgehammer.
Instrumental Arrangement Accompanying Vocalist(s): Here's That Rainy Day, Nan Schwartz
-pat on the back
Engineered Album, Non-Classical: Consolers of the Lonely - Joe Chiccarelli, Vance Powell and Jack White III, engineers
-Why is Jack White still making music? Am I really the only one questioning this? And how is it a supergroup if Jack White is the only one who was in a "super" band beforehand? The rest were either Detroit celebrities among white people or bottom rung indy performers.
Remixed Recording: Electric Feel (Justice Remix) - Justice
-Congratulations. You just got an award for doing what teenagers do to internet memes on youtube and ytmnd.
Surround Sound Album: Mussorgsky: Pictures at an Exhibition; Night on Bald Mountain; Prelude to Khovanshchina - Michael Bishop
-I'm gonna pretend to be offended by that album title.
Opera Recording: Weill: Rise and Fall of the City of Mahagonny - James Conlon, conductor
-Where is this city of Mahogonny? Did it burn? Can I burn it?
Orchestral Performance: Shostakovich: Symphony No. 4 - Bernard Haitink, conductor Chicago Symphony Orchestra
-BEST COVER BAND EVER!!!!
Classical Vocal Performance: Corigliano: Mr. Tambourine Man: Seven Poems of Bob Dylan - Hila Plitmann
-Bob Dylan is classical music now?
Classical Contemporary Composition: Mr. Tambourine Man: Seven Poems of Bob Dylan, - John Corigliano
-Since when? This kind of confuses me.
Short Form Music Video: Pork and Beans - Weezer, Mathew Cullen,
-Actually wasn't a bad video, considering the song sucked. Well it was Weezer, what did you expect? Actually, I just like the fact that it featured Tay Zonday. Now, if they could just get Tay Zonday to replace Rivers Cuomo, wow, I think i just fixed Weezer.
Long Form Music Video: Runnin' Down a Dream - Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers
-Isn't this song from, like, the 80's? Is this like a 20th anniversary video award? Did it take them 20 years to create a supplemental video for the song?
Recording Package: Death Magnetic - Bruce Duckworth, Sarah Moffat and David Turner
-Why couldn't Napster design the album cover?
Boxed or Special Limited Edition Package: "In Rainbows - Stanley Donwood, Mel Maxwell and Christiaan Munro
-Actually this works, really well. It was entirely innovative, and it actually fits under both boxed and special limited edition package.
Album Notes: Kind of Blue: 50th Anniversary Collector's Edition - Francis Davis
-Giving a grammy to an album everyone should already have from 50 years ago? Come on grammies. Put some effor into it.
Historical Album: Art of Field Recording Volume I: Fifty Years of Traditional American Music Documented by Art Rosenbaum - Steven Lance Ledbetter and Art Rosenbaum, compilation producers
-Really? Like you couldn't give it to an album that you've forgotten and skipped over in the name of pleasing the record exec gods? Oh right, this is another way to please those very record exec gods.
And this is why the grammies are magical. They always find a way to screw it up. Oh, and don't think I actually watched them. No, I could never do that. I accidentally walked into the presentation for Best Song and had to try to make sure my dry heaves remained dry. No, I just pulled these awards off the internet from a news site, so if its screwed up, its their fault, not mine -- and no, I did not use wikipedia. I also cut out a bunch of awards, cos Latin has its own Latin grammies, Country is its own predetermined music machine, and I frankly think all modern R&B sounds the same.
Oh, and Best Heavy Metal Record Should have went to The Sword for Gods of the Earth. Or if it just goes out for singular songs, "Fire Lances of the Hyperzephyrians" video below.
--Knuttel
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